Dating is SO Complicated.com

Archive for June, 2009

Here are the top ten reasons why you still are not dating the right men, finding jerks or men that you are not even half attracted to instead .

1. You are not open to meet new people and friends, you simply disregard online dating or speed dating because you think they are only for losers.

2. You are not interested in trying new places such as new restaurants, bars and clubs.

3. You do not make any effort to look your best. In fact, you look kinda daggy most of the time. Who else is into the worn-out sweatpants you love so much? Uh exactly, not the kind of men you want to be dating.

4. You are very negative about things. You are not confident with yourself and as a result you don’t radiate the sweet confidence air men are secretly craving. You have secret fear that you can never be dating the right men.

5. You play TOO hard to get, and you don’t even show any man you like that you are in fact…interested. Dating is all about you as you don’t want to give the smallest piece of your emotion to anyone else due to fear of rejection or fear of getting hurt.

6. You have the habit to laugh at the person you are with rather than with him. You have poor taste of jokes and you cannot take any joke yourself.

7. You are so not open and it shows in all your body languages and your tone of voice i.e. you cross your arms while talking, and you talk in the most boring tone of voice ever. This is all because you are not interested in the person, because your idea of dating the right men is about dating someone tall, dark, handsome, with the greatest job, and no less.

8. You radiate big desperation air around you. Basically, you have the idea that every date should really turn into marriage, so you demand a long explanation if the man you are dating has not called you within 24 hours of meeting. You can’t be dating the right men like that because men get turned off by desperation.

9. You simply don’t smile enough. Believe it or not, most people love a great smile. So even if you think your smile is not all that great, just do it! You’ll be surprised how many men will fall head over heels with that smile of yours

10. Lastly, is the greatest mistake of all. You don’t want to change in order to create change. You are accustomed to your old way of dating men and you simply blame men when dating the right men seems to be a challenge for you. Maybe that’s not the only reason why those men stop calling you.

Find out exactly why men don’t call you or simply disappear after a great (or a few great) dates here. Maybe you can change the way you think, and dating the right men will start becoming natural to you.

Good luck.

How to actually get them to ask you out beyond the emails? There are many online dating tips out there, but one impression I’ve got from one of my client is the fact that it doesn’t matter which dating service she chooses, she keeps getting the same problem i.e. men send her virtual kiss, emails her and it stops there. It is just too hard to move beyond the emails to actually meeting in person.

So when can you finally say “I don’t want another email buddy, can we meet in person?” After all, both you and him know that unless you meet in person, a relationship is simply impossible.

But I have news for you. The fact that you want something to happen is not necessary what will happen. Of course we all know that you need to meet him in order for things to start. But dating is a game and there is a process to follow. No matter what other online dating tips you’ve got from anywhere, you simply cannot rush this process. But let’s get to it and see what you can do to actually make him WANT to see you in person:

1. Emails should be short and sweet – and it should talk about practically nothing.

One mistake women do is to ask men on the first email “What kind of relationship are you looking for”, or “What is it that you’re looking for in a girl” or anything straight like that. As I mentioned to you earlier, dating is a game (love is not, but dating is), and if there are some online dating tips online telling you to ask men this, please ignore that advice. That’s the fastest way to turn him off.

You do not have serious talk when you first meet someone in a club or bar, why is online dating any different? The first email should be no more than a little bit about you followed by funny talk. Emails should be less than three paragraphs long and do not constitute anything other than small talk. Basically, do not sound desperate on emails. (I should write another article about how women can avoid that.)

2. If he is too afraid to meet, he will miss out on you

After three or four emails max, it is time to meet. If he has not asked you to meet in person by then, you can ASK him. After all, you both have emailed each other three or four times that it seems logical to just meet him at least once. If he makes excuses, or he says he is too busy, he probably is just afraid to meet you (or anyone) in person. Do not put up with this kind of behaviour and just move on. Stop emailing him and onto the next person.

3. If you are asking him out, give him some time to anticipate

As I said earlier, it’s time to meet in flesh after three or four emails. If you are asking him out though, actually ASK him. Don’t ‘hint’ or casually say “maybe we should meet sometime…”

Men don’t pick up on those things. Actually say something like ” Hey do you want to catch up for coffee sometime? I’m free next week tuesday and thursday, what day works for you?”.

Make sure you mention that it’s “coffee” so it sounds light and casual. Also, try to give him actual days to choose from, that way you have confidently assumed he would want to meet you, only unsure of the day. This ensures the email banter is about what day he is free, or if he is too afraid to meet you (at least you’ll know). Give him plenty of notice so that he can anticipate the meeting.

Despite many online dating tips you’ve read, dating is so frustrating and I think the frustration starts after the first date. So before you actually meet the guy in flesh, he is just another person or profile in the sky. You don’t even know whether or not you are attracted to him in person. So if a guy doesn’t want to meet you (or is too afraid to do so), he has probably put on ten kilos since his picture and is too afraid to disappoint you. Move on woman!

Oh, once you get into the first date though, make sure you don’t blow your chance off. Discover ways you can keep a man for good by dating with NO drama.