Dating is SO Complicated.com

Archive for June, 2009

So you’ve heard the phrase “The Dating Game” so many times by now, the game that seems to have no set rules (or some overrated rules that other people make that do not even seem to work so well). Everyone plays this game, so you are only losing by not participating. You simply have to play the game in order to finally end up with your lifelong partner.

You know well enough that love is not a game. Love and relationship are something real without all the rules included in it. But no matter how you approach this, you’re going to have to play at some point. Why? Well, because by refusing to be part of the complicated process of dating, you are lowering your chance to find the man that you want. These are all related to fear and past experiences that we learn as humans. Women (and men) get dumped, played around, hence the modern dating game.

But then before you start becoming a robot following all the dating rules you can find out there, realise that in love (we are talking about the relationship romantic love) there are three stages you need to know. The stages are initial attraction (which may only take no more than ten minutes, exactly why speed dating exists), dating (the very complicated stage but very crucial that no one can ever skip it), then relationship.

The stages are NEVER skipping from initial stages to relationship. Stages should not be stuck in endless dating either. But to make a stage flip from dating to relationship, the dating game must be played. Why? Because you want to get to the relationship stage as quickly and painlessly as possible with the RIGHT man. But remember, you cannot force a relationship by just acting like you are in one when in fact you are not.

This is because when the guy is still in ‘dating’ stage, and you are already much ahead in ‘relationship’ stage, the following will happen: You may come off way too strong since relationship is not using any game and you open up quickly. The guy may not be ready for this and instead of appreciating you for what you are, he will shut off, thinking that you are just desperate to get married. Without the familiar dating game, he may be thrown off balance and as a result, he gives in to his fear of this being temporary hence his fear of commitment.

So to play the dating game right, you need to remember one most important thing. Dating game is NOT common sense and is not something that will feel natural to you. As a big example, you should not be too accessible, nor agree too easily to last minute schedules no matter how ‘flexible’ and easy-going you normally are. You are not even obligated to answer every single phone call provided that you return them as soon as you can freely talk. It is very important to show him that you have a busy life and it won’t be easy for him to be part of it straight away. He needs to EARN it. That’s why it is so important to know stuff such as the calling game (Hence the famous 101 Reasons why men don’t call and what you should do about it)

Another nonsense that is so important in the dating game is ensuring that he misses you. How? Well, absense make the heart goes fonder. In this particular game, power is quite important and to get power you need to care ‘less’ about the other person. Yes it does sound ridiculous as who wants power in relationship anyway? You’re right, but I’d have to re-iterate this. You are ONLY at the dating stage at this moment. Power is important.

So can you ever have love without games later on? Of course! I have read books on the market that pretty much give women strict rules to follow when you are dating, relationship and even when you are married to someone. I think that is plainly silly because you cannot play games when you are really in a relationship. Relationship is about honesty, opening up yourself like a book to the other person, and most importantly is about giving to each other, not play games so you can take more from your partner whilst keeping the power within you. Agreed? I hope so.

But to get to that stage, you need to know exactly how to play the dating game well. And before you do anything else, find out how well you are playing the dating game right now.

Ladies! Following up on my last article on the rules of calling men , I kind of implied that when a man doesn’t call you can call him first. But didn’t I say there is actually a limit for that?

Yes you can call a man first but NOT a man who is clearly not interested in you. This will put down your confidence and self-esteem, that’s the last thing I would like you to feel. But then I have heard that still, many women out there NEED some kind of rule – REAL rules on what to do when it comes to calling men.

I guess, it is probably because most of the times common sense flies out the window when you are so interested in someone, and time seems to slow down a lot. It feels like you haven’t heard from him for months already when in fact he only hasn’t called you for a day. This may lead you to call men again and again that it disturbs his day up until he labels you a ‘stalker’.

So ok, I do admit that the subject of calling men you date may be rather confusing at times and not knowing how to handle the issue of men who doesn’t call you properly can backfire on you severely. Depending on who I talk to (women), it really makes a difference on who calls who (some women simply gain confidence to wait for a man to call her and therefore able to date better.)

Even after knowing the common sense, many women feel like she still doesn’t know how to call a man she is dating. Calling men gets even more complicated when a guy is not calling you and you really want to get him to call you. What do you do? How do you go about handling the issue with confidence and composure without being perceived as needy or pushy?

Now I also realize that where some women are good to date without rules, some women need strict rules in the beginning of the dating stage with a new man, because they tend to SUBCONSCIOUSLY do all the things that may wreck a perfectly good start such as calling men when they feel desperate, when he’s not calling back, and when he simply is not interested.

It gets blurry and it is not easy to figure out. But ok, I’m not the type of person who writes strict rules when it comes to dating, but for some of you ladies that feel like you really want everything about calling men laid out for you then I would strongly advise you to check out this page: 101 Reasons why men don’t call and what you should do about it.

Go get the guide and soon you will see your troubles with men and phone calls go out of the window – even if you are one of those women who tend to get so insecure.