A term for the female of a canine species in general. It is also frequently used as a term for a malicious, spiteful, domineering, intrusive, or unpleasant person, especially a woman.

Best Friends for life.. That would be the first thing on every woman’s mind when they see Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda on the big screen. Yep the second blockbuster movie is out this month and the four girls are still giggling continuously. Sex and the City show has run for more than 10 years and we’ve seen the girls stick through thick and thin throughout the period. Men, sex, shoes, babies, and pills conversations are always the hot topics. Yet in real life, Kim Catrall (Samanta) is constantly bickering with SJP (Carrie). It’s all non-sense, it does not happen in today’s society. Which make me thinking.. does long term friendship exist in modern female world?

Women are no different than men in terms of competition. They compete about everything from partner, career, body-wise, looks, even social and sex life. Who’s got the hottest body, who snatches the sexiest man, who owns an attractive face, who has the most satisfying job, or who experienced the big ‘OMFG’ in a week.

In most cases, there are more and more bitchiness within female friendships. When we were little, women are taught to be loyal to their girlfriends (and husbands). They braid each other’s hair then pulling each other as they got older. They first keep your secrets but told everyone how many men you slept with later on. They bring you flowers when you broke up with your first boyfriend, only to realize they hook up with your ex sometime in the future.

As you grow older, you begin to sort out which ones are toxic or beneficial friends. Admit it – you’re hot, fabolous, successful, wanted by men, amazing in bed, not forgetting you have a wonderful personality. Chances are, other (insecure) ladies will be green of envy of your qualities. Those women will always try to bring you down, imitate your personality, talk behind your back, or even try to steal your man.

Screening for a good female pal who won’t be jealous of you and be your true BFF seems totally challenging. Acquiring friends is easy, but maintaining sweet girlfriendship is hard. More often than not, females don’t tell other females what they don’t like about them. They prefer to ‘discuss’ about it with another person..behind their back of course!

Women should be trained on how to communicate openly with their female pals. Like the girls on SATC, they can just blurt out almost about everything whenever they catch up for coffee or dinners. Whether it’s “I don’t like you tagging me on all my Facebook photos” or “I think your ass looks saggy” – just throw them on the table. No backstabbing, no badmouthing, no gossiping about your friend. If you have something not nice to say about your gal pal, say it to them upfront. Bitching about them is so 2008. What you want is a healthy relationship with your girlfriends.

A good girlfriend is the one who genuinely support you, cares for you, be your shoulder to cry and does not laugh at your misfortune. Likewise if your girlfriend does not appear to have those qualities, you have a choice.. keep your friends close, keep your bitches closer.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Are ‘bitches’ the new ‘girlfriends’ ?

I’m sure many of us have encountered one of those times when you feel like your close friends are falling for the wrong man. You can see all his flaws (great toxic flaws) from miles away and you can see how he does your girlfriend completely wrong, but your friend (the one who is actually caught up IN the relationship) cannot see a single thing. She puts up with him whilst you see her life is filled with more painful cries rather than joyful smile. She loses her charm and becomes a somewhat living zombie. She looks less attractive by the day as she often stares into space giving everyone the blank look to hint that “Hey you might as well be talking to the wall”.

Then the day that you’ve hoped for finally came, she broke up with this man. Now you’d hope that soon she can gain her life back, her magnificent beautiful life and charms she once had. But no luck, she actually becomes worse by the day and everytime you try to cheer her up she practically tells you “I can’t get over my ex, so don’t even try, talk to the wall instead”…again?

Now, what if that girl is YOU? what if you’re the one who is caught up in the relationship? What if YOU are the one who’s saying “I can’t get over my ex!” It is easy to see how crazy and mutant your friend has become when SHE is in that situation, but easier said than done, it is not so easy when YOU are in her shoes. What can you do?

Ok, well this is exactly what you should do: Put your logic ahead of your emotion. Now that is exactly what you need to do but granted, it is waaay easier said than done. But look at it this way, ask your logic everytime your emotion says something and don’t let your emotion wins!

Here they are:
Emotion: I’d like to call him, I’d like to talk to him, I miss him!
Logic: Hey if I want to get over my ex, I wouldn’t talk to him because that would make it even more painful. What good is it to talk to someone who doesn’t want me anymore.

Emotion: But I still think I can be friends with him, why can’t I be friends with him?
Logic: Because no matter what you say, you DON’T want to be FRIENDS with him, that’s why you find it so hard to let your logic win in the first place.

Emotion: I cannot live without him, should I just beg him back?
Logic: I had over 20 years (or 30 or 40) years living my life happily without him, seriously I can do this.

Emotion: I will never get over my ex.
Logic: Oh come on! time heals everything, it just feels that way at this
moment in time.

Emotion: I want to stalk him, or at least pretend that I’d just like to return his pen or shirt back to him.
Logic: Really? you want to feel the rejection one more time? Wake up GIRL!

Emotion: I don’t want to do anything, I’m in pain!
Logic: The more ‘daydreaming time’ you have during the day, the more suicidal you will feel, so get out there and do something.

And again, it is still easier said than done. In fact, it would be worth it to have a look at this book “How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours“. It’s VERY interesting.

Check it out, and yes I do recommend it especially if you like to read because reading these sort of tailored materials will take your mind off things, you don’t want to read those fantasy fairy tales do you? your logic wouldn’t tell you so…Get it here, it’s worth it.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Help! How Can I Get Over My Ex – Past Love?

Then there’s the friendship love. From time to time when you choose your friends, you choose the ones who will watch your back and be there for you. More often than not, your friends will understand and (probably) love you more than your partner does. They will be the shoulder when you drop your tears, the ones who will bring chicken soup when you’re sick, the ones who will give you a lift home after hours of drinking session, the ones who provide you thousands of relationship advice. They are the genuine people who accept you for who you are. As someone says- your girlriend/boyfriend might come and go in times, but your good friends will remain the same.

The third love that I notice is family love. As far as society dictates, most people are not raised by healthy family. Our childhood is painted with our parent’s separation or divorce. Lucky for few, a handful of us are still experiencing love from both parents. Family love is by far the most comforting love that I’ve experienced. No matter how annoying or intolerable you can be, your parents will still accept you. They’ll take you back home when you ran out of money, or provide a shelter when you have a fight with your partner. That is what’s called unconditional love. They love you without expecting anything in return. In fact, they would still love you even if you hate them one day. Sadly, every so often we take our parents’ love for granted.

Another love that I recognize is self-love. How often do we value ourselves and not judging or beating ourselves up? How often do you say to the person in front of the mirror: you are beautiful inside and outside? How often do you feel miserable because your partner puts you down, or unhappy because you felt that no one loves you?

Almost every woman suffers from low self-esteem after breaking up with a partner. You felt that you’re not good enough for your partner, especially if he left you first. Negative thoughts brainwash your cerebrum. You start questioning your head.. what did I do wrong? What is it that I don’t have that could make him stay? If only I didn’t do this, or that. The moment you start judging yourself, you also start devaluing yourself, and finally become depressed that you can’t find the reasons. Whatever the reason is, (the break up) is meant to happen.

We all have insecurities deep within us, however we should not let other people’s comments or behaviours dictate our self esteem. When something bad happens to us, we can either see the glass as half empty or half full. We should not stop believing in ourselves because we are worth it. Supermodel Heidi Klum swears she recounts at least 5 things she loves about herself each day before stepping out of the door. Relationship wise, if you want a guy to fall in love with you, you should be happy and secure in your own skin. Take extra care of yourself to make yourself more attractive, learn new life skills, banish awful thoughts in your head and be grateful of the attributes you already have.

Some people are lucky enough to encounter all these types of love at once. Even at some stage your relationship breaks down, you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. Look at the brighter side- you still have lots of love around you. Appreciate it while you can. You don’t need a guy to deem yourself as worthy.

Keep in mind that you are responsible for your own happiness. If you feel happy deep inside, people will notice and even start talking to you. When you smile, the entire town (and those hot men in the bars) will smile back at you.

Now SMILE !! =)

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Question 101: Do I love myself ?

But what happen when the infatuation starts to rub off? Suddenly you felt there’s issues, problems and expectations, etc. Suddenly you felt that the person you fell in love with is not the same as you thought they were. Your partner becomes more comfortable in their own skins – they are becoming more selfish, more jealous, more dependent, or more controlling.

Then you thought: hang on.. why is he/she doing this to me? You thought he/she was the perfect one for you. Your head screams why why why is he/she starting to behave differently? It shouldn’t be like this.. You should be having fun, enjoying each other’s company and have the most exciting time in your life.

Guess what – what you thought was love was just lust. It was just a trick created inside your brain that you are deeply attracted to that person. Lust only focuses on the other person’s physical appearances, instead of their qualities or characters. What differs between lust and love lays on how willing you are to keep your significant other happy, eventhough it means sacrificing your own happiness. It focuses on the other person’s needs and wants, not just your ownself.

So what do you do when things go wrong during honeymoon period? Ask yourself – how happy you are with that person. Think whether this person is worth to keep or not. Consider whether he/she is worth to be fighting for. If you think you can see a future between both of you, then you have to put up with their behaviours, with a little bit of compromise of course.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Fallin’ out of love.. or LUST ?

Think about it, every man out there focuses on whether or not SHE is the one he wants to marry, spend eternity with (Whoa that’s a big word), but why do women settle for second best – someone who she’s not even into – just so that she has the ‘married/attached’ status. Sad isn’t it? This is exactly why half of all marriages end in divorce as women tend to label their partners ‘the one’ or ‘soulmate’ before him proving her anything.

So if you yearn for that perfect relationship with the perfect boyfriend or husband, make it clear to yourself that you will have to fall for the man rather than the relationship. So let me repeat, you are NOT loving the relationship, or ‘be in a relationship’ feeling, you want to know if you love the man you are in a relationship with. Clear as mud? So even if the man is hanging around, keep asking to yourself: is he the one for me?

Ok, now that you are with me, we need to find out how can you answer that question yourself, the question “is he the one”? because no one can answer that but you. I can only help you answer that using these few guidelines. So lets start.

First of all, you should strip out all his shallow qualities. There is no point trying to find out ‘is he the one’ when your mind is still clouded with the fact that he drives a yellow ferrari or owns that mansion house. Some women tend to be so drawn towards the ‘security’ he can provide that it is dangerously hard to answer that question alone. So strip out the cute, hot body, sexy, money, job and social status… what are you left with?

Strip it out…I said strip it out, I know it’s hard to do that because you sincerely think he was kinda born with those materials, and those materials can help make you happy in the long run just kidding.

Pay attention to this, the very important question ‘is he the one’ is basically asking: does his values, lifestyle, goals in life fit in well with your own? Do you see both of you can grow together – through thick and thin, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. Do you both support each other in terms of what your goals are and how you grab opportunities separately as well as together? (That’s why you shouldn’t really ask this question if you’ve only been dating for a month, it doesn’t make sense does it?)

Another very important question is “Do you respect each other?” Yes he may be nice to you but if you treat him more like a cab driver or a servant rather than a boyfriend – or if he treats you more like a trophy item to show off to his friends rather than a valuable girlfriend, then clearly we are YET to be sure if you guys are good for each other. It’s quite amazing to know that women forget this and settle with a man who sometimes doesn’t even respect her. Even if you are a very traditional girl who believes firmly in your grandmother’s teaching, please ensure that you make a point to remember that a great relationship is based on mutual respect and understanding, not based on the man makes EVERY decision without your input – you might as well be a mannequin.

Also, is there an equal amount of giving and receiving from each other? In a real great relationship, you need to both have a genuine desire to give to each other (Not receiving), and are you happy to do that? Are you happy to give to him unconditionally without expecting anything back? And are you receiving anything back anyway? Think about that to answer the question ‘is he the one for me’.

So take away all those materialistic items and shallow qualities, understand that the initial ‘honeymoon period’ is now over and it’s time to find out if he is really a good fit for you in the long run. Find out how he handles you during your bad hair day as well as your super scary pms, and I wish you all the best in finding the one for you out there. (You never know, he could well be the one you’re with, but answer those questions first.)

And if you have found yourself a man, don’t be lazy and think that you can stop working on the relationship. Remember, working on a relationship is greatly a woman’s job. (Sorry girls, it’s because men just don’t do it, simple answer.) So I would suggest you keep on top of things, and if you haven’t done so, get a copy of this guide The Women men adore, and never want to leave – is he the one? Well then KEEP him. I genuinely think it’s a great guide that every woman should have. Get it here.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Is he the one for me? or am I settling for another next-one-that-comes-along?