I’ve learnt few things after watching this heart-felt flick. Why? Not everyday we would watch a divorced couple trying to patch things back in humorous ways. A few questions running through my head.. First, where do boundaries lie if you have been intimate with someone previously, yet the relationship ended? Is it called cheating if you’re sleeping with your ex-lover (especially if they already have a new partner)? I realize that there’s no right or wrong answer here. What you think you did right might not be the same as somebody else’s point of view.

Sometimes we fell into circumstances that is out of our control. The sex was awesome, you were connected with that person, you’re drunk, you are single *and* horny, and voila.. before you knew it, you’re having an affair- with your ex sadly. Jane even created her own term called ex with benefits. Basically it’s like having a FWB (friends with benefits) with added past baggage.

Let’s take a look at the situation a bit deeper. One scene shows how distraught Jane (Streep) was when Jake (Baldwin) cancelled an intimate evening with her. There, she felt the uneasy emotions of being ‘the other woman’. Jake is already hitched with another woman with a step-son. Nonetheless the marriage hit rocky point therefore he seeks attention and comfort of his old mrs. Jane is the fallback girl in this case. When Jane was disappointed with Jake‘s poor behaviour, she went to look for Adam (Martin). Adam, is now Jane’s fallback guy.

Lucky for Jane, both men are desperately trying to win her over. Jane is smitten with Adam‘s attractiveness and on how he makes her feel. On the other hand, Jake knows how to push her buttons and giving her lavish attentions.

Many of us may have been in that sticky situation. Should you take an ex back (if the opportunity arises), or starting over with a potential partner? Sometimes we wonder.. if the sex was so damn good, where the hell did it all go wrong then? Are you willing to go through all the pain and hurt again with that person? After all, you’ve been with him/her for quite some time and be aware of the consequences too. Also, would you take the risk of opening your heart to an unfamiliar person? Would he/she be able to make you as happy as your ex did?

Fortunately the movie concludes with a happy ending. In my opinion, the movie teaches us to act on whatever your heart informs you without losing your rational judgement. Whatever choice you made, make sure you won’t regret it for the second time. After all, life should be easy..n’est-ce pas?

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

C’est Compliqué! (It’s Complicated) – Should you take an ex back?

No matter how many times they are told that time will heal anything, they still want to give their brain a ‘definite date’ as so that they will have hope on when this agony really will end.

As I have touched on earlier in my other article, the only time you will want to forget someone you still really like is the time when you just broke up with someone, or worse, when that person who you thought was special just decided to leave without a trace by disappearing from the face of the earth – in the hope that you won’t notice…yeah right. These situations make it really hard for you to move on and for your brain to really believe that it’s over just because there is never a real confirmation that the whole thing is over.

Of course, I hope you realise that no matter what, there will be some pain involved. What I mean by this is that no matter how quickly you manage to get over this person there will still be some pain involved in forgetting him. It is impossible to completely go amnesia on the memories that you once had.

But let’s take it from many women from all over the world on how long it takes to actually forget that person. The first few days are the most
painful and believe it or not you will have to just cope with it. Sleep it off, eat many pints of ice creams, scream, go to the gym and join the body combat class just to be able to punch someone, do all these things or anything that you want to do just to fill up your time. You will feel the hurt during these first few days no matter what.

By the end of the first week, you should be feeling a little better, although at times you will feel that little pang of feeling that reminds you of the good times you once had with that person. The worse thing is that you no longer hate them for whatever they did, there are only good memories that you have in your mind. You no longer hurt that much, but you will be quite sad – for the loss.

Believe it or not, it’ll be two weeks after the whole break up thing, time will feel so slow, seems like the earth stops revolving around and there will be that time when you look at the calendar date saying “Oh My God it’s only been two weeks … feels like forever!” By this time, it will be easier to go through the days even though yes, you will still feel bits and pieces of the heartbroken feeling.

Finally, it will be around 60 days (two months) after the breakup, this is when you finally feel like you can move on with your life without much of the break up affecting you. This is when you start to feel like it is possible to forget someone that you still really like (if you still really like him or her at this stage).

But having said all that, there are lots of things you can do to ease the pain during the first two months, in fact I have seen one really good information on the web on How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours, VERY interesting. Check it out for yourself!

I really recommend it because reading these sort of materials will definitely take your mind off things even though you may not completely forget him like amnesia just yet. Get it here, it’s worth it.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

How Long Does it Take to Forget Someone You Still Really Like?

1. he’s keeping in touch with his ex on regular basis

2. he flirts around with your friend’s gf.. right under your nose

3. he doesn’t add you on facebook (this is cheeky but true)

4. he put his profile up on online dating sites (and lied to you when you confront it)

6. his main priority is him, his mates, then you or us

5. he starts spending less time with you on email/text/phone calls

6. he’s becoming more secretive – doesn’t tell you where he goes, how his day was, etc

7. his new nicknames are mr grumpy, mr impatient, mr critical, mr not-so-fantastic-in-bed

8. he doesn’t tell jokes or tease you anymore, ie there’s no more fun side of him

9. he took back his house key (that he gave it to you previously)

10. he becomes more suspicious of you

11. he doesn’t kiss you before going to bed

12. he stops buying gifts or flowers for you

13. he only calls you when he needs company

14. he told you he’s working late.. all the time

15. he no longer includes you on his social activities with his mates, workmates etc

16. in fact, he starts hanging out with the boys more

17. he doesn’t intend to take you on any future holidays he might have

18. he doesn’t plan for romantic gestures (this includes dinner/sex/weekend-aways)

19. he no longer compliments your sexy outfit/body parts/anything that makes you attractive to him in the first place

20. he reassures you over and over that he loves you, but his actions say differently

21. he’s hot and cold towards you, ie being nice and nasty whenever he wants to

22. he avoids the (serious) relationships talks

23. he blames you for whatever reason it is

24. he doesn’t do what he says he will

25. he cancels on your plans at last minute, and always comes up with the best excuses

26. he treats you like a doormat, or worse.. a maid

27. he doesn’t say the “L” word anymore – because he can’t

AND finally…….

28. he didn’t try to fight for you when you said it’s over

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

He’s Not That Into You ANYMORE?

Since then, he’s emailed you couple times and came up to your desk — twice! But you’ve been hinting all along that there is this new cute “Ice Age 3″ movie you’ve been wanting to see and he still hasn’t invited himself to go along with you. What’s wrong with him? you’re starting to doubt that he is so into you in the first place.

So well, instead of pondering around while flicking flower petals one by one, you might as well read carefully to the following five top facts that he is actually so into you:

1. He WILL ask you out.

I know that sometimes this one goes overlooked. Many guys are shy…right? Well, if a guy is so into you, he will have to get over his shyness and actually go up to you to ask you out. Otherwise, he’ll lose you to some other dude due to his own shyness, not a good idea. It doesn’t matter how ‘busy’ he is or how little credit is left on his mobile phone, he’ll want to spend time with you on a date — or semi date in the beginning.

2. He is SINGLE.

No matter how much you think a guy is so into you, forget it if he has a girlfriend — or wife. It doesn’t matter how he tells you he’ll break up with her, so long as he hasn’t done it, he is still attached…to someone else. Waiting for a guy to break up with another girl so that you can have your turn is down right sad. You are being strung along while he is having his cake and eating it too. Move on girl, and don’t even start imagining stuff such as, “Imagine when he finally breaks up with her, do you think he will ask me out because he is so into me?”

3. He will not disappear on you.

Tony, the guy you met at Christmas party finally got around to ask you out. You had a real great time together in the winter festival and he even bought you fairy floss. See! You knew he was so into you since you locked eyes in the party before. He told you at the end of the night that he’ll see you again but a week’s gone by and you’ve heard nothing whatsoever. You even checked using the company intranet that he is still working there in your company, and of course he is. So what happened?

Well, this guy has a moderate or low interest towards you and probably not so crazy about you. He’s had second thoughts, or he has just decided on his own that he doesn’t want to pursue this further. In this case, stop wondering around what you could’ve said or done better to ‘score’ another date with him, because you couldn’t have done nothing else. You’ve done your best and he is not so into you.

Leave and move on because you deserve someone who is so into you and is really crazy about you.

4. He remembers what you say.

If he is so into you, he’ll remember what you say. If you tell him you want to go see that ‘Ice Age 3′ movie, he’ll thank God for the fact that you gave him that clue on asking you out. When you tell him you hate mustard, he won’t smear mustard all over your hot dogs, you get the idea.

5. He will give you security.

Oh…that word! Yes, I say that he will give you security if he is so into you by calling you his ‘girlfriend’ and by not breaking up with you soon after he calls you his ‘girlfriend’. If a guy never wants to commit to a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship or runs away as soon as he hears those words, then he is not so into you.

When J broke up with a friend of mine (call her Sammy), she was not buying it because if he was so over her, why did he say yes to a coffee catch up and why did he still said “he misses her” even though he said no again to getting back together?

If he is so into you, he would’ve stayed with you in the first place rather than giving you the insecurity of a break up. The right person will stay, you will feel secure and you won’t need to think about his words vs his non-matching actions til the cow comes home.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

He Is SO Into You…Really? Find Out For Sure By Looking At The Facts VS What He Tells You Now

To be honest, many women actually know and able to answer that question herself. Have you ever gone out on several dates with a guy who you just ‘know’ is into you? Of course you have. But I have to also mention that when things start to get good, most women will suddenly get so insecure that the feeling won’t last. The ‘drama queen’ personality starts to take place wondering why things are going so well and waiting when that crazy bold-and-beautiful drama finally comes about in your life. So just to confirm your guess that he is actually into you, let me give you some signs so that you don’t have to keep on asking yourself every night “Is he really into me”?

Here it is:

1. He makes time for you and he wants to see you. When a guy is really into you he can get a little insecure just like you. He focuses on whether or not YOU are into him.

2. You catch him staring at you. Guys are not mind-readers and they can’t multi task. He can’t smile at you while making small conversation while thinking in his mind ‘Is she into me’? like you do.

3. He wants to touch you. He finds reason to touch you i.e. he may try to touch your back while crossing the road, or your arms while he is making a joke etc.

4. If you are lucky enough to get to see his friends, they are not surprised when they meet you. He’s been talking to his friends about you.

5. He makes effort to contact you…often. When a guy is into me, he will call me daily or at least text me daily.

6. He’ll chase you. This is a big sign. When a guy is actually into you he will chase you. You won’t have to wonder too much whether or not he likes you. His action gives you more than a clue so watch that space.

That’s it, those were the biggest and simplest answers to the question “Is he really that into me?”. But if a guy is giving you mixed signals, or you still aren’t sure why a guy hasn’t called you yet after a date well then here is a way to understand men completely i.e. “Is He Into Me?”

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Is He Really THAT Into Me? Hear It From a Guy’s Opinion

1. The time you spend with him is just fun. You have non-stop party time, fun time…every time. This unfortunately is not reality (or at the very least, the relationship has not exactly become the reality as yet.)

2. You both magically lose your life outside the relationship. It suddenly feels like the world only belongs to you and him and no body else. Basically, you forget you had a life before him, cancel all your plans with your friends and in fact, you don’t even remember the last time you spent apart from him.

3. This one is the opposite of number 2, where you don’t get to see him much at all. You ‘catch up’ once in a while casually and no one seems to (or pretends not to) expect another date beyond this one.

4. When you are actually together you tend to get a little too physical without actually talking to each other.

5. If you are lucky enough to talk, the conversation you have is very unimportant and shallow. I am talking about those flirty conversation foreplay rather than the deep conversation about values, goals and dreams.

6. Come to think of it, you’ve never seen his driver licence, nor he ever seen yours. In other words, you don’t even know each other’s last name – assuming his first name he told you is real.

7. You know he is dating other women and he doesn’t even make any excuse for it.

8. He is actually on holidays right now – or on working holiday visa without any real plan to stay. So you both still don’t know what happens when he goes on his pre-determined flight to his home country in two weeks.

9. Whenever he talks about his plan in the future (if he does talk), it doesn’t include you in it – not even a hypothetical example.

10. After a romantic weekend away with him you STILL are not sure when you’ll see him again. The sentence “see you soon” has got no meaning to you because he’s been using that same phrase without any real follow through.

Get a guy for real! have a look at this article on Dating men made easy.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Top 10 Signs that He is Only a Fling – Only Fun Rather Than Being Real

If it has only been one or two days since you had that ‘connection’, do not worry too much. He probably is just following the three-day stupid rule in the first place. But if a week’s gone by and he still hasn’t called that is a different story. So what should you do if he doesn’t call like that?

Well, I have to break the news to you that if you did a hook up with a guy who doesn’t call, he may just be one of the guys who likes to ‘milk the cow rather than buying it’. After all, you don’t know this guy yet and you don’t even know whether or not he is super sleazy to begin with. Plus, hardly any guy will say ‘no’ to a great hook up. So if you think that he probably is a great guy who has just put you into his ‘hook up’ category just because you gave him the permission to do so, then listen to this:

The fastest way to turn the situation around when he doesn’t call is to NOT call him. Also, do not expect this guy to call you, and wipe him out completely off your mind. This way you can get on with your life rather than camping by the phone thinking that you are just playing hard to get. Of course it is not easy to do that, you can’t just ‘wipe’ someone out from your mind, emotion certainly does not come with a mop. I mean, you are probably hurt and unfortunately when you make an oath to yourself not to call him, the only thing in your mind is probably how much you actuallY WANT to call him. But don’t. Instead, take out a piece of paper or start a new blog and put down how you felt about this guy starting from the butterflies you felt earlier to the fact that you now feel stupid for trusting him in the first place. Call some friends and make some plan, do some activity on your own, you get the idea.

Think about it this way, you don’t know who this guy is and even though you don’t want to admit it right now, the reason why you really want him to call you is just because you kind of link the fact that he doesn’t call to a feeling of being rejected. But seriously, he probably is a real loser and it is probably good that he doesn’t call you and mess your life up even more in the longer run.

And if you still feel really bad about it, one afternoon force yourself to sit in front of the talk show Jerry Springer (instead of your favourite SpongeBob SquarePants), and listen to all those unhappy couples shouting at each other like, “You sent me a dozen flowers to make me happy, then I found out that it’s just a way for you to apologise…for cheating on me with my sister?” Then consider this: The guy on the show DID call.

And just in case you didn’t know, Check out “101 Reasons why he doesn’t call and what you can do about it – make him call YOU instead”. Have a look.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

He Doesn’t Call After a Hook Up – Should YOU Call Him Instead?

I also realise that many times when this question is asked, the answer you are hoping for is really beyond the normal “get busy, take time out, let time heals it etc”. Most people who ask this question are feeling some kind of emotional pain rooted somewhere in their heart or mind that they can’t concentrate on any task given to them. Normally this pain happens on the first few hours they ‘get dumped’ or ‘felt like they’ve lost someone’, or whom they finally got the courage to ‘leave’.

Of course, I must tell you that there is no ‘super quick fix’ that will completely take away the hurt right now, despite I always look for one whenever I feel hurt by people close to me (romantic or not). In fact, there is no such thing as the quick ‘how to forget someone you still really like or love’, because it is impossible to forget something that has happened in the past (whether it is a minute ago, weeks or months ago).

But what you can do though, is to get over the painful hurt feeling as quickly as possible so that you can survive the hurt, able to concentrate on your days, and most importantly move on with your life whether you want to get back to dating scene with a more ‘ready’ mind, or just move on with your life without feeling the hurt anymore.

So here are some things that you can do:

1. Accept the fact that you are hurt, and accept that there is no quick fix, that there is a process to forget someone.

Yes this is the easiest thing to do that you have to start accepting that there is nothing you can do to make the hurt go away right this second. Especially, if you feel like you don’t have anyone else to talk to because the person you count on is really the person who hurts you.

2. Do something physical ON YOUR OWN

When I said ‘on your own’, I meant ‘on your own’. There is no need to pretend you can forget things in your mind by talking to others. You need a ‘me time’ right now or in the next 24 hours. Of course, you will feel so bad that you are taking it in for yourself, but trust me it will numb your hurt painful emotion quicker. So do something physical such as jogging while listening to inspirational music, lock yourself in your room and sleep for the next six hours, playing music instrument, singing karaoke as loud as you can, bowling on your own, shooting range (if time and place permits), shooting basketball or just anything physical on your own – you get the idea. (In fact, I knew a lady who did bungee jumping ten times in a row just to forget someone she just broke up with.)

3. Writing a blog or a diary – both online and offline

If reading articles such as this one will take up some of your mind space, writing blog entries or diary entries will actually make it even better. It is one of the most effective and quickest method on how to forget someone, or forget the hurt you get from that someone. Write exactly how you feel, write about how you survive this whole thing. Before you know it, your strong urge earlier of wanting to call that person right at that moment will slowly subside. You will soon feel calmer and able to function a little bit more.

4. Beyond this, time will heal

Yes, it’s time for me to mention that the best thing on how to forget someone you like is still to give it time. However, it helps if you stop focusing on contacting them in the meantime. In fact, try to minimise contact (no contact is even better) so that you can move on with your life quicker.

Also, I came across this information on the web the other day, How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours, VERY interesting. Check it out for yourself!

In fact, reading it alone helped me go through the first few crucial hours of trying to move on. Get How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours and read it as soon as you can.

P.S. I also recommend the book “It’s called a break-up because it’s broken” by Greg Behrendt – he’s my favourite author so far.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

How to Forget Someone You Still Really Like – and Move On With Your Life

Hands up any of you who had ever been in this situation at least once: You’ve just met a guy that you are actually interested in, charming smile, and you feel the butterflies in your stomach. On top of that, boy doesn’t he look like he actually feels the same way like you do? But he stops calling, and you wonder why on earth does he have to go missing for?

It’s quite natural for you to wonder and feel this way, maybe you can’t handle your curiosity and start calling him, but he won’t answer. And if worse, he doesn’t return your call either. You find yourself leaving him messages, text, snail mail, you name it.

You start wondering that may be if he just sees you once more, he’ll be so intrigued back by you, and remember all those wonderful things about you – even after one date. After all, You know you both hit it off last time. Basically after that night, you have subconsciously time-warp yourself to the future too much and now your expectation has gone up high . If you’re not careful, you might end up fooling yourself and start calling this guy you barely know multiple times without them being answered.

I get this kind of questions from friends and clients all the time. Why does he stop calling me? They phrase their questions differently, but the question stays the same i.e. Why would a man whom I dated for a few weeks or whom I had a great first date with stopped calling and stopped responding to my phone calls?

Now as a general rule – one you hear most of the time, you should not call a man in this case. The best thing to do in this case is to let the man call you, at least you’ll know he is interested in talking to you. Of course, work, family, career, anything can get in the way and when a man doesn’t call it does not necessarily mean that he is not interested straight away. But you don’t want to waste your life on a man who never calls back simply because he is not interested to begin with.

Know the signs and how to handle men who don’t seem to be interested. Recognize the truth whether or not his reasons are actually valid or just avoiding you. Find out more about 101 Reasons Why He Stops Calling and what you can do about it.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Men stop calling – What should I do?

1. He calls you in the last minute for a last minute date. And despite you politely declining last minute date while suggesting to re-schedule (basically showing him that you are interested), he won’t plan ahead.

2. Related to number one, he calls you AFTER dinner time, often for non-food related dessert. And just before you give up on this man, he calls you again giving you mixed messages.

3. You never get to see his friends or family, he never mentions anything about them (you don’t even know how many brothers and sisters he has), and if you are lucky enough to bump into them when you are with him, he pretends that you are not there. That is a really big sign that you are dating the wrong man.

4. He doesn’t talk to you between the dates or between the last-minute calls.

5. He refuses to go out on a date where there is no possibility that you will end up in his place – or he ends up in yours. You know you are dating the wrong man if all you do is sleeping together.

6. You never get a hold of him when you try to call him. He will return your call at his convenience (often quite a while after the missed call).

7. You suspect that he is dating someone else, and your instinct is quite strong.

8. He doesn’t show a single public display of affection. He turns to a completely different person when another person is in proximity. (He is only affectionate when you are together, just the two of you.)

9. You don’t feel like he is making the effort to fulfil your needs and everything seems to revolve around him. I.e. he makes all the rules and he tells you what to do. In fact, you know that you are dating a wrong man that doesn’t care about you at all.

10. If he is very afraid to bring up the ‘commitment’ word or even the simple ‘we are dating exclusively’ statement, he is a wrong man for you. He wants to keep his options open – basically until he keeps you in the back burner until he really finds someone he wants to connect with ‘monogamously’.

Please ladies, recognise the truth that any man who is showing the signs above is not really into you – at least, he doesn’t want you to be his girlfriend. Get closely guarded secrets on how to stop dating the wrong man. Never be confused again with their behaviour.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

10 Top Signs That You are Dating a Wrong Man – Stop Wasting Your Life