Archive for the ‘The Complicated Dating’ Category
How many times do this happen to you? You go out to a club with your girl friends, and what was supposed to be a friendly girly night turned to something else when you got a little tipsy. You ended up hooking up with a great guy who you swore you had connection with, and guess what? He doesn’t call after a hook up. Should you call him instead?
If it has only been one or two days since you had that ‘connection’, do not worry too much. He probably is just following the three-day stupid rule in the first place. But if a week’s gone by and he still hasn’t called that is a different story. So what should you do if he doesn’t call like that?
Well, I have to break the news to you that if you did a hook up with a guy who doesn’t call, he may just be one of the guys who likes to ‘milk the cow rather than buying it’. After all, you don’t know this guy yet and you don’t even know whether or not he is super sleazy to begin with. Plus, hardly any guy will say ‘no’ to a great hook up. So if you think that he probably is a great guy who has just put you into his ‘hook up’ category just because you gave him the permission to do so, then listen to this:
The fastest way to turn the situation around when he doesn’t call is to NOT call him. Also, do not expect this guy to call you, and wipe him out completely off your mind. This way you can get on with your life rather than camping by the phone thinking that you are just playing hard to get. Of course it is not easy to do that, you can’t just ‘wipe’ someone out from your mind, emotion certainly does not come with a mop. I mean, you are probably hurt and unfortunately when you make an oath to yourself not to call him, the only thing in your mind is probably how much you actuallY WANT to call him. But don’t. Instead, take out a piece of paper or start a new blog and put down how you felt about this guy starting from the butterflies you felt earlier to the fact that you now feel stupid for trusting him in the first place. Call some friends and make some plan, do some activity on your own, you get the idea.
Think about it this way, you don’t know who this guy is and even though you don’t want to admit it right now, the reason why you really want him to call you is just because you kind of link the fact that he doesn’t call to a feeling of being rejected. But seriously, he probably is a real loser and it is probably good that he doesn’t call you and mess your life up even more in the longer run.
And if you still feel really bad about it, one afternoon force yourself to sit in front of the talk show Jerry Springer (instead of your favourite SpongeBob SquarePants), and listen to all those unhappy couples shouting at each other like, “You sent me a dozen flowers to make me happy, then I found out that it’s just a way for you to apologise…for cheating on me with my sister?” Then consider this: The guy on the show DID call.
And just in case you didn’t know, Check out “101 Reasons why he doesn’t call and what you can do about it – make him call YOU instead”. Have a look.
This is one article I wrote that has a little to do with the actual dating, but a lot to do with the foundation of dating. I have been asked by a few people “How to forget someone you still really like”, most of the time the question relates to the ex whom they still have a clear picture of in their mind, or the person who they’ve started dating (or are dating) who pretty much has just left them for any reason (somebody else, things not working out, and the worst of all: just gone missing without a trace – AWOL).
I also realise that many times when this question is asked, the answer you are hoping for is really beyond the normal “get busy, take time out, let time heals it etc”. Most people who ask this question are feeling some kind of emotional pain rooted somewhere in their heart or mind that they can’t concentrate on any task given to them. Normally this pain happens on the first few hours they ‘get dumped’ or ‘felt like they’ve lost someone’, or whom they finally got the courage to ‘leave’.
Of course, I must tell you that there is no ‘super quick fix’ that will completely take away the hurt right now, despite I always look for one whenever I feel hurt by people close to me (romantic or not). In fact, there is no such thing as the quick ‘how to forget someone you still really like or love’, because it is impossible to forget something that has happened in the past (whether it is a minute ago, weeks or months ago).
But what you can do though, is to get over the painful hurt feeling as quickly as possible so that you can survive the hurt, able to concentrate on your days, and most importantly move on with your life whether you want to get back to dating scene with a more ‘ready’ mind, or just move on with your life without feeling the hurt anymore.
So here are some things that you can do:
1. Accept the fact that you are hurt, and accept that there is no quick fix, that there is a process to forget someone.
Yes this is the easiest thing to do that you have to start accepting that there is nothing you can do to make the hurt go away right this second. Especially, if you feel like you don’t have anyone else to talk to because the person you count on is really the person who hurts you.
2. Do something physical ON YOUR OWN
When I said ‘on your own’, I meant ‘on your own’. There is no need to pretend you can forget things in your mind by talking to others. You need a ‘me time’ right now or in the next 24 hours. Of course, you will feel so bad that you are taking it in for yourself, but trust me it will numb your hurt painful emotion quicker. So do something physical such as jogging while listening to inspirational music, lock yourself in your room and sleep for the next six hours, playing music instrument, singing karaoke as loud as you can, bowling on your own, shooting range (if time and place permits), shooting basketball or just anything physical on your own – you get the idea. (In fact, I knew a lady who did bungee jumping ten times in a row just to forget someone she just broke up with.)
3. Writing a blog or a diary – both online and offline
If reading articles such as this one will take up some of your mind space, writing blog entries or diary entries will actually make it even better. It is one of the most effective and quickest method on how to forget someone, or forget the hurt you get from that someone. Write exactly how you feel, write about how you survive this whole thing. Before you know it, your strong urge earlier of wanting to call that person right at that moment will slowly subside. You will soon feel calmer and able to function a little bit more.
4. Beyond this, time will heal
Yes, it’s time for me to mention that the best thing on how to forget someone you like is still to give it time. However, it helps if you stop focusing on contacting them in the meantime. In fact, try to minimise contact (no contact is even better) so that you can move on with your life quicker.
Also, I came across this information on the web the other day, How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours, VERY interesting. Check it out for yourself!
In fact, reading it alone helped me go through the first few crucial hours of trying to move on. Get How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours and read it as soon as you can.
P.S. I also recommend the book “It’s called a break-up because it’s broken” by Greg Behrendt – he’s my favourite author so far.
