16 Reasons Why You Are STILL Single
It’s Saturday night, and you are home… alone. The DVD screen finished playing “Gossip Girl season 3”. That was the third glass of red on your hand. You’ve checked your phone a couple of times throughout the night to see if any of your friends are out. No, they won’t… because majority of your friends are married or in a long-term relationship. Suddenly you realize you’re the last one standing. You have a great career in the corporate ladder, amazing friends, taking dance or hobby courses, join online dating sites, or whatever things that keep your busy, yet you are ALONE. Yes….women nowadays are doing a number of activities and juggling different of tasks to fill their days than before. Why? Part of the reasons is perhaps so that they don’t have to feel that lonely feeling creeping when you’re at the couch, especially right when you lie on your pillow before snooze.
You start thinking of your past boyfriends and flings/lovers/whatever you call it – why aren’t they here with you? Why the heck am I still SINGLE? Err, good question. To answer your big burning question, I’ve compiled a list of possible reasons that might block you from encountering love.
1. You haven’t let go of your past. It’s been 2 years since your last relationship crumbled yet you still feel like it was only few months ago. You would compare every guy you date with this particular ex, yes… every single guy. Whilst it’s good to know what type of qualities of guy that you like, it’s not good to linger on the past. Accept the fact that you and him are not good together, forgive him, and forgive yourself. Focus on your present and future opportunities. There’s a reason why an ex is an ex – so that you can meet someone better. Every new person you meet deserves a chance.
2. You are still sleeping around or sleeping with somebody to soon. Now this is possibly a ‘habit’ of yours that is hard to let go. Like smoking, sleeping around (aka no-strings-attached sex) is addictive and sometimes you need to go cold turkey to quit. While guys can’t guess how many sex partners you’ve had in the past, they can spot straight away whether you’re a one-nighter kinda girl or girlfriend material. Don’t ask me how but they have this instinct (a male intuition perhaps) that tells if you’re Samantha or Charlotte. Perception is reality, honey. Also, by not sleeping with someone too soon gives you a chance to get to know that person way before oxytocin dictates he’s a CATCH… definitely not sexy.
3. You’ve been dating the wrong guys. You probably had dated many guys but none of them want a serious relationship with you. Well…guess what – you most likely went out with unavailable guys; be it BOYS who only want the milk and not wanting to buy the cow, emotionally unavailable men, married men, men who don’t know what they want.. You get the idea. It’s time to recognize that those guys you dated are nothing but time wasters and don’t add value in your hunt for Mr Right.
4. Or you’ve been going to the same places to meet men, then only to complain the quality of the guys are terrible. For this case we are talking about bars where men and women go to ‘pull’. Ladies – you won’t meet your future husband in places like that. 90% of men who frequent bars and clubs are only there for ONE thing. If that’s what you’re after, then fine… continue what you’ve been doing. If you want something more than casual sex, look at guys at your workplace (be careful of married men though), go to religious places, sports bars, RSL clubs (haha), anywhere else that does not involve alcohols, dimmed lights, and blaring music that you won’t be able to have conversation anyway. A girlfriend once told me – you won’t find a diamond if you keep visiting flea markets. Now I understand exactly what she meant 🙂
5. You are not emotionally ready. This requires self-development. You might be insecure, clingy, jealous, overprotective, selfish.. Remember that all of those traits exist because you are emotionally immature. Emotional maturity and wisdom does not depend on a person’s age, but rather grow throughout your experiences and the mistakes you made in life. Get a self-help book and learn how to manage your emotions. Remember, a successful relationship requires level-headed individuals.
6. You are afraid of commitment. While you can broadcast to the whole world that you want to meet someone and settle down, fact is sometimes you don’t. You are scared of your independence taken away, having to compromise for someone, adjusting your lifestlyle, or even sleeping with someone for gazillion years. Point is.. you still have doubt within yourself what happens after you meet THAT special person. Are you ready to share the world with another person? Would you relocate for that person? Would you stop flirting around with other guys? Would you sacrifice something important in your life in order to make the relationship work?
7. You haven’t loved yourself. How often are you content with your life – be it job, looks, study, etc? How often do you complain about those cellulite on your thighs, flabby arms and tummy, unsatisfying career? For people who just been through a break-up or in toxic relationships where their emotions are battered, it’s normal to lose self-esteem. In order to attract love, you need to fall in love with yourself first. Pick yourself up. You need to realize that you are worthy to receive love and be grateful of everything in your life. For more tips on how to love yourself check out my previous blog “Questions 101 – Do I Love Myself?”
8. You don’t know what you want. This relates to point 3 when you’ve been dating the wrong men. Getting to know yourself is the basic tool in dating so that you can attract a potential mate that you want. You first need to get to know yourself – acknowledge who you are as a person, grasp your personality and character, know what you like, what ticks you off and what don’t, what kind of men are you searching. Make a list of things about yourself and what qualities you like on the opposite sex and re-read it. Does it make sense? Do you offer the same qualities that you want in your potential mate? Be realistic.
9. You are traumatized. A few assclowns broke your heart and you believe that there are no good men left? Naturally, if your heart’s been abused so many times – you are less likely to trust men and put your barriers up. Or if you’ve been rejected by men then you feel that you’re not good enough for anyone. You need to realize that things happen for a reason and you still have a chance to find another love. Bring down those walls that block your emotions, be open to opportunities, and hopefully the next guy you meet is not an assclown.
10. You own your own lifestyle. If you’ve been single for too long, chances are you will be self-absorbed and used to well…being alone. You don’t know how to share the world with someone. Chances are you always make decisions based on yourself. But when you’re in a relationship – you can’t always ‘win’ and leave your potential mate with no choice. You need to learn how to compromise and be less selfish for once. Other scenario could be if you occupation requires you to spend 18 hours at work. It’s true while you love your job, you need to manage your time well so that you can have a (dating) life outside work.
11. You don’t know how to flirt, or read body language etc. It sucks to be someone who doesn’t know how to read situations. Likewise, you are similar to those women who can’t read maps and don’t know how to get to the destination. Pick up dating books (there are millions out there), get a hot girlfriend to teach you how to flirt with men, or get yourself a dating coach if you’re really3x bad.
12. You think all men ARE the same. If you are thinking like that, you are seeing the glass half empty instead of half full my dear. Not ALL men are the same – you can’t say that all men are liars or just want sex. Just because you’ve met some jerks (aka b!tch with a d*ck) in the past, doesn’t mean that the next one will be an a**hole too. There are plenty of good guys out there, you just have to change the way you think. Which leads to….
13. You don’t go out and socialize. If you spent your time hanging out with the same people over and over (work friends, girl friends, your f*#k buddies) chances are you won’t meet new people. Try broaden up your chances in meeting men by attending classes (ANY classes – cooking, dancing, yoga, pottery), attend meet-up groups (you can check online or local community boards), professional gathering, book clubs, sports clubs, click YES to Facebook invitations. Meeting up random people is FUN and who knows they might introduce you to potential mate! I’ve met people randomly during my travel, at bus stops, at Subway line (not the trains, but the sandwich joint), petrol stations, random house parties.. Plus, you don’t wanna be that socially retarded girl who just stayed home watching soap dramas. Prince charming won’t notice you if you don’t get out there and get noticed (think how Cinderella met her prince).
14. You are simply… a bitch. Riiight, the problem is you don’t have close female friends, you won’t take no for an answer, you are not friendly, judgemental, stubborn and hard to please. You make too many ridiculous rules in your life. Basically it’s my way OR the highway! What men would be attracted to women like that? Supposedly a guy could pick either Naomi Campbell or Miranda Kerr – guess who would he choose. Be a bitch (babe in control of herself) but don’t be a prick. Improve your manners and men will be flocking towards you.
15. You have unrealistic expectations from men. You pass up on guys just because he doesn’t laugh at your jokes, not a wine connoisseur, have greasy hair etc. You settle nothing less than a guy who earns at least $150K, have a house in Hampton or OC, buy you expensive gifts and take you out to swanky restaurants. Which girl would not want a guy who can afford all of those? In real life you are middle class worker who likes to dream big. Whilst it’s crucial to have standards, they need to be realistic. They need to reflect WHO you are. Your standards will vary as you grow and get to know yourself more. Allow yourself to be flexible before you drop all your standards at once because you’re desperate to find a man. Plus… are you as good as what you expect from men?
And here’s my favourite of all….
16. YOU ARE SUPERFICIAL. PERIOD. Admit it – you think you are HOT, everyone likes you, you do exceptionally well in your career. Basically whatever you do, you think highly about yourself. While there’s nothing wrong with realizing your self-value, you should not seek superficial qualities when screening men. Superficial people will always attract the same. Okay.. the guy you’re seeing may be cute, funny, tall, intelligent, loaded, hot biceps and butt, amazing in bed etc. But at the same time he’s a liar, cheater, arrogant, resentful, egocentric piece of sh*t aka a douchebag? He thinks the world revolves around him and he won’t treat you like a princess…guaranteed. Are you going to be happy with a guy like that in the long run? While he makes you quick-fix happy, he won’t fix your tyre if it’s flat. It’s time to look at men past their superficial values – find out if he is genuine, kind-hearted, wise, practive selfless acts, appreciative, and most importantly like you for who you are. Character and personality are more important than charm and charisma. Ask yourself can you have a D&M (read: deep and meaningful) conversation with this person? Do you feel safe and secure with this person? Can you rely on this person? Does he genuinely make your heart happy or do you keep making excuses for his crappy behaviour?
Now that I’ve provided you with all possible reasons why you are still single – you have a choice to take a different look at your dating style, or deny it. Hopefully I help you to shade some light and improve your dating approach. And err, sorry to have to expose you these cold hard facts. Now get you’re a$$ off that couch and Happy man-hunting!