I’m sure many of us have encountered one of those times when you feel like your close friends are falling for the wrong man. You can see all his flaws (great toxic flaws) from miles away and you can see how he does your girlfriend completely wrong, but your friend (the one who is actually caught up IN the relationship) cannot see a single thing. She puts up with him whilst you see her life is filled with more painful cries rather than joyful smile. She loses her charm and becomes a somewhat living zombie. She looks less attractive by the day as she often stares into space giving everyone the blank look to hint that “Hey you might as well be talking to the wall”.

Then the day that you’ve hoped for finally came, she broke up with this man. Now you’d hope that soon she can gain her life back, her magnificent beautiful life and charms she once had. But no luck, she actually becomes worse by the day and everytime you try to cheer her up she practically tells you “I can’t get over my ex, so don’t even try, talk to the wall instead”…again?

Now, what if that girl is YOU? what if you’re the one who is caught up in the relationship? What if YOU are the one who’s saying “I can’t get over my ex!” It is easy to see how crazy and mutant your friend has become when SHE is in that situation, but easier said than done, it is not so easy when YOU are in her shoes. What can you do?

Ok, well this is exactly what you should do: Put your logic ahead of your emotion. Now that is exactly what you need to do but granted, it is waaay easier said than done. But look at it this way, ask your logic everytime your emotion says something and don’t let your emotion wins!

Here they are:
Emotion: I’d like to call him, I’d like to talk to him, I miss him!
Logic: Hey if I want to get over my ex, I wouldn’t talk to him because that would make it even more painful. What good is it to talk to someone who doesn’t want me anymore.

Emotion: But I still think I can be friends with him, why can’t I be friends with him?
Logic: Because no matter what you say, you DON’T want to be FRIENDS with him, that’s why you find it so hard to let your logic win in the first place.

Emotion: I cannot live without him, should I just beg him back?
Logic: I had over 20 years (or 30 or 40) years living my life happily without him, seriously I can do this.

Emotion: I will never get over my ex.
Logic: Oh come on! time heals everything, it just feels that way at this
moment in time.

Emotion: I want to stalk him, or at least pretend that I’d just like to return his pen or shirt back to him.
Logic: Really? you want to feel the rejection one more time? Wake up GIRL!

Emotion: I don’t want to do anything, I’m in pain!
Logic: The more ‘daydreaming time’ you have during the day, the more suicidal you will feel, so get out there and do something.

And again, it is still easier said than done. In fact, it would be worth it to have a look at this book “How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours“. It’s VERY interesting.

Check it out, and yes I do recommend it especially if you like to read because reading these sort of tailored materials will take your mind off things, you don’t want to read those fantasy fairy tales do you? your logic wouldn’t tell you so…Get it here, it’s worth it.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Help! How Can I Get Over My Ex – Past Love?

Then there’s the friendship love. From time to time when you choose your friends, you choose the ones who will watch your back and be there for you. More often than not, your friends will understand and (probably) love you more than your partner does. They will be the shoulder when you drop your tears, the ones who will bring chicken soup when you’re sick, the ones who will give you a lift home after hours of drinking session, the ones who provide you thousands of relationship advice. They are the genuine people who accept you for who you are. As someone says- your girlriend/boyfriend might come and go in times, but your good friends will remain the same.

The third love that I notice is family love. As far as society dictates, most people are not raised by healthy family. Our childhood is painted with our parent’s separation or divorce. Lucky for few, a handful of us are still experiencing love from both parents. Family love is by far the most comforting love that I’ve experienced. No matter how annoying or intolerable you can be, your parents will still accept you. They’ll take you back home when you ran out of money, or provide a shelter when you have a fight with your partner. That is what’s called unconditional love. They love you without expecting anything in return. In fact, they would still love you even if you hate them one day. Sadly, every so often we take our parents’ love for granted.

Another love that I recognize is self-love. How often do we value ourselves and not judging or beating ourselves up? How often do you say to the person in front of the mirror: you are beautiful inside and outside? How often do you feel miserable because your partner puts you down, or unhappy because you felt that no one loves you?

Almost every woman suffers from low self-esteem after breaking up with a partner. You felt that you’re not good enough for your partner, especially if he left you first. Negative thoughts brainwash your cerebrum. You start questioning your head.. what did I do wrong? What is it that I don’t have that could make him stay? If only I didn’t do this, or that. The moment you start judging yourself, you also start devaluing yourself, and finally become depressed that you can’t find the reasons. Whatever the reason is, (the break up) is meant to happen.

We all have insecurities deep within us, however we should not let other people’s comments or behaviours dictate our self esteem. When something bad happens to us, we can either see the glass as half empty or half full. We should not stop believing in ourselves because we are worth it. Supermodel Heidi Klum swears she recounts at least 5 things she loves about herself each day before stepping out of the door. Relationship wise, if you want a guy to fall in love with you, you should be happy and secure in your own skin. Take extra care of yourself to make yourself more attractive, learn new life skills, banish awful thoughts in your head and be grateful of the attributes you already have.

Some people are lucky enough to encounter all these types of love at once. Even at some stage your relationship breaks down, you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. Look at the brighter side- you still have lots of love around you. Appreciate it while you can. You don’t need a guy to deem yourself as worthy.

Keep in mind that you are responsible for your own happiness. If you feel happy deep inside, people will notice and even start talking to you. When you smile, the entire town (and those hot men in the bars) will smile back at you.

Now SMILE !! =)

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Question 101: Do I love myself ?

But what happen when the infatuation starts to rub off? Suddenly you felt there’s issues, problems and expectations, etc. Suddenly you felt that the person you fell in love with is not the same as you thought they were. Your partner becomes more comfortable in their own skins – they are becoming more selfish, more jealous, more dependent, or more controlling.

Then you thought: hang on.. why is he/she doing this to me? You thought he/she was the perfect one for you. Your head screams why why why is he/she starting to behave differently? It shouldn’t be like this.. You should be having fun, enjoying each other’s company and have the most exciting time in your life.

Guess what – what you thought was love was just lust. It was just a trick created inside your brain that you are deeply attracted to that person. Lust only focuses on the other person’s physical appearances, instead of their qualities or characters. What differs between lust and love lays on how willing you are to keep your significant other happy, eventhough it means sacrificing your own happiness. It focuses on the other person’s needs and wants, not just your ownself.

So what do you do when things go wrong during honeymoon period? Ask yourself – how happy you are with that person. Think whether this person is worth to keep or not. Consider whether he/she is worth to be fighting for. If you think you can see a future between both of you, then you have to put up with their behaviours, with a little bit of compromise of course.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Fallin’ out of love.. or LUST ?

No matter how many times they are told that time will heal anything, they still want to give their brain a ‘definite date’ as so that they will have hope on when this agony really will end.

As I have touched on earlier in my other article, the only time you will want to forget someone you still really like is the time when you just broke up with someone, or worse, when that person who you thought was special just decided to leave without a trace by disappearing from the face of the earth – in the hope that you won’t notice…yeah right. These situations make it really hard for you to move on and for your brain to really believe that it’s over just because there is never a real confirmation that the whole thing is over.

Of course, I hope you realise that no matter what, there will be some pain involved. What I mean by this is that no matter how quickly you manage to get over this person there will still be some pain involved in forgetting him. It is impossible to completely go amnesia on the memories that you once had.

But let’s take it from many women from all over the world on how long it takes to actually forget that person. The first few days are the most
painful and believe it or not you will have to just cope with it. Sleep it off, eat many pints of ice creams, scream, go to the gym and join the body combat class just to be able to punch someone, do all these things or anything that you want to do just to fill up your time. You will feel the hurt during these first few days no matter what.

By the end of the first week, you should be feeling a little better, although at times you will feel that little pang of feeling that reminds you of the good times you once had with that person. The worse thing is that you no longer hate them for whatever they did, there are only good memories that you have in your mind. You no longer hurt that much, but you will be quite sad – for the loss.

Believe it or not, it’ll be two weeks after the whole break up thing, time will feel so slow, seems like the earth stops revolving around and there will be that time when you look at the calendar date saying “Oh My God it’s only been two weeks … feels like forever!” By this time, it will be easier to go through the days even though yes, you will still feel bits and pieces of the heartbroken feeling.

Finally, it will be around 60 days (two months) after the breakup, this is when you finally feel like you can move on with your life without much of the break up affecting you. This is when you start to feel like it is possible to forget someone that you still really like (if you still really like him or her at this stage).

But having said all that, there are lots of things you can do to ease the pain during the first two months, in fact I have seen one really good information on the web on How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours, VERY interesting. Check it out for yourself!

I really recommend it because reading these sort of materials will definitely take your mind off things even though you may not completely forget him like amnesia just yet. Get it here, it’s worth it.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

How Long Does it Take to Forget Someone You Still Really Like?

Amazingly, it’s not only fishes that the princess encountered. She’d also dipped her foot into crocodile pond- and yes she did get bitten in the end and left a scar, pond full of water snakes that she got choked until she couldn’t breathe, and pond full of piranha that she wouldn’t even dare to enter.

The last pond she visited was a frog pond. She remembered thinking “hm..frogs are harmless, aren’t they?” So she kissed a couple of frogs despite their wet skin taste. All of a sudden there comes this tadpole with glossy spotty skin, enticing her: “princess, if you kiss me long enough I will turn into prince charming!”

So the princess did as what the frog told her.. desperately hoping it would soon turn into a gorgeous prince. After she had kissed the frog for few months, it filled her brain with fantasies. She hallucinated so much that she got intoxicated and lost her sense. The more she kissed the frog, the more hopes and dreams she had. Somehow along the way she felt that this frog is not good for whatever reason.

Luckily it didn’t took her too long to realize the hopes and dreams were nothing but deception and empty promises. The princess figured out that the frog she’s been kissing is a poisonous one, which will bring her to slow death and pain. She left the cute frog with her last strength and paddled into the sea.

As she swam across the ocean, few dolphins encircled her. She paddled and paddled until there’s a kind fisherman who’ll rescue her and bring her to a safe land.

Moral of the story? In the dating world, you will meet a lot of jerks, manipulative bastards and all those cruel men who are going to break your heart into pieces. You just have to put yourself out there and don’t waste your time on someone who’s unworthy of your affections. Surround yourselves with people who appreciate you. Never give up on love; a prince charming will find you one day…….

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

The Story of A Princess and A Frog

1. he’s keeping in touch with his ex on regular basis

2. he flirts around with your friend’s gf.. right under your nose

3. he doesn’t add you on facebook (this is cheeky but true)

4. he put his profile up on online dating sites (and lied to you when you confront it)

6. his main priority is him, his mates, then you or us

5. he starts spending less time with you on email/text/phone calls

6. he’s becoming more secretive – doesn’t tell you where he goes, how his day was, etc

7. his new nicknames are mr grumpy, mr impatient, mr critical, mr not-so-fantastic-in-bed

8. he doesn’t tell jokes or tease you anymore, ie there’s no more fun side of him

9. he took back his house key (that he gave it to you previously)

10. he becomes more suspicious of you

11. he doesn’t kiss you before going to bed

12. he stops buying gifts or flowers for you

13. he only calls you when he needs company

14. he told you he’s working late.. all the time

15. he no longer includes you on his social activities with his mates, workmates etc

16. in fact, he starts hanging out with the boys more

17. he doesn’t intend to take you on any future holidays he might have

18. he doesn’t plan for romantic gestures (this includes dinner/sex/weekend-aways)

19. he no longer compliments your sexy outfit/body parts/anything that makes you attractive to him in the first place

20. he reassures you over and over that he loves you, but his actions say differently

21. he’s hot and cold towards you, ie being nice and nasty whenever he wants to

22. he avoids the (serious) relationships talks

23. he blames you for whatever reason it is

24. he doesn’t do what he says he will

25. he cancels on your plans at last minute, and always comes up with the best excuses

26. he treats you like a doormat, or worse.. a maid

27. he doesn’t say the “L” word anymore – because he can’t

AND finally…….

28. he didn’t try to fight for you when you said it’s over

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

He’s Not That Into You ANYMORE?

So you have gone as far as creating a great online profile that portrays who you are physically and a little bit of your personality. You’ve exchanged emails with a guy who looks great in photos, quick witted and you feel like you’d fall in love with this guy before you met him. Is this feeling all possible? or are you infatuated by the idea of meeting someone new that you are not sure about?

Hey at least when you’ve met a guy offline, in a bar or a club somewhere you KNOW what he looks like in person and you probably get a chance to hear his voice, get a little ‘feel’ of what the he is about. But do you know what to expect on the first date – the first time you meet a guy from online dating?

Here they are:

1. Do not expect them to look like their picture

Expect the worst and prepare yourself to be surprised if the person actually look better than the pictures. In my experience (and some other people – both male and female) nearly more than half the population in online dating do not actually look like their picture – and not necessary in a good way. Maybe they do look like their picture in a certain angle, but don’t sum up some kind of imagination in your head of what they look like because trust me, you won’t know.

2. Do not expect this date to turn into relationship

It’s just a date! oh hang on, it’s not even a date yet…it’s the first meeting to test the water whether there is even chemistry there (Hence you don’t want to get into thousands of email banters with that person without actually meeting them in person first). So prepare to go for just a nice dinner or coffee and a nice chat without expecting anything more than that.

3. Expect a little bit of nervousness from both side

Yes, even good looking guys get nervous too. And no matter how confident you are, you probably would get nervous as well. So loosen up and pick a nice place such as a bar on a school night. This allows you to still hear what each other is saying (bars aren’t normally too packed on school nights – at least, where I live), and this also allows you to drink some kind of booze without feeling guilty. Booze will make you look funnier to the other person and it will make both of you relax a little bit.

Further note: Being drunk on dates is ILLEGAL, or it will be one of the fastest way to guarantee NOT to get a second date.

That’s all on what to expect on first dates – from online dating. Remember, don’t be afraid to actually go and try meet some new people.

Also, for a little bit of fun read, a bit of defense in case the lucky guy forgets or doesn’t call you after the first date, read 101 reasons why men don’t call after the first date

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Online Dating – Do You Know What to Expect on the First Date?

1. Making lame jokes ESPECIALLY when she is being serious

I’ve had a friend who went out with this guy on a date. She asked him casually “So do you like dogs?” and he quickly replied by saying “Oh yes they are very tasty”. Clearly it was a joke, but a real bad one especially my friend is such a dog lover. I don’t recall them going on another date after that one. If a woman is having a serious talk with you, don’t start making jokes after jokes just in an attempt to escape the serious talk. It wouldn’t work, and it surely turns a woman off.

2. Always wanting to have the last say or opinions on things

Some women want to always have the last say on things, but when men do this, it’s one of the fastest way to turn a woman off. Not only the argument will then continue, you are also putting your position unfavourably in front of the woman’s eyes. This is especially true if the opinion you are putting on the table is irrelevant to the argument you are having.

3. Challenging or laughing at a woman’s value or tradition

I remember I dated a guy who laughed as soon as I told him I was still living with my parents. He didn’t score a second date with me. If there are cultural or traditional difference between you and the woman you are dating, accept what her values are rather than challenge them especially if you still want to see her. And if you really can’t accept her values then move on.

4. Constantly talking about hot women on TV

Women are normally realistic and we know those models and actresses on TV are just hot (Hey, some of us get attracted to them too). But the last thing woman wants is for you to start commenting on how hot Megan Fox is whenever she comes up on TV.

5. Being a natural cheapskate

When out on a first few dates with a woman, foot the bill. She doesn’t expect you to pay every single things that you do and in the long run she knows that she’ll foot some of the bills too. But splitting the bill down to service charge and tip on your first date is just a fast way to turn a woman off.

6. If a woman says no, it means “NO”

One instant way to turn a woman off is being persistence to simply get your way physically or verbally. If you keep on touching her where it’s inappropriate in public when she clearly says no to it, it won’t do you any favour. If your date wants you to stop touching her that is what you have to do. If she doesn’t want to do something, don’t try to sneak in words to convince her that she should.

7. Too clingy and insecure

Especially if you are jealous that she is spending time with her best GIRL friend. Let her keep her friends and get into the idea that a couple does not literally mean you guys are literally being glued to each other. Also, don’t worry if she does have male friends, because if she is being real and trustworthy, you have nothing to worry about. If she is flaky and a cheater though, you don’t want to be with her in the first place.

8. Doesn’t want to listen to her opinion

If a woman starts to say something that may involve asking you for your serious opinions – even on things you don’t like, don’t dismiss it by just saying to her “Stop nagging” or “Let’s not talk about that” or something along that line. Yes she may stop talking about it, but then she’ll instead think about how inconsiderate you are and how she should plan her escape…from you.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Top Eight Mistakes Men Make to Instantly Turn a Woman Off – oh Please Avoid That

Sadly, those fears people are inclined to feel when a relationship starts to get good would be able to kill the so-called honeymoon period in a flash. You wonder where all those honeymoon period have gone, you wonder if the person you are with is the right one. But ask yourself this: Are you ready for relationship?

1. First of all, you are ready for a relationship if you can keep your fear aside.

Fear is a big thing that can cloud your mind and judgement that even simple steps can look complicated and scary. You gotta deal with this fear and insecurity in a nice effective way. Especially in the early stages of relationship, people (mostly women) need to be reminded again and again that small insecurity feeling is normal. But if you let it take its toll around your life then you have basically invited it to wreck your about-to-grow relationship to pieces…So deal with it in order for you to have the lasting love and genuine intimacy.

Remember, most fear are just that: fear. You may fear that you don’t deserve love, your relationship may die, you may end up heartbroken, etc. However, know that if you have big fear, you will not be able to get close to someone and therefore you are not so ready for a longlasting genuine relationship. So are you ready for relationship? then you should be ready to throw those fear away – or at least put it at bay in the beginning of a new thing.

2. Case of the Ex.

I use to really hate talking about exes. I use to think they are the most annoying creatures that can interfere with any relationship at any stage. But thankfully, I am not like that anymore. If you still somehow think you may get back with your ex or you might want him as a ‘back up’ in case your current relationship doesn’t work out, ask yourself the question “Are you ready for relationship?”, because most likely the answer is a resounding NO.

3. You still feel you are ‘missing out’ or wanting to know your ‘options’.

When you are ready for a relationship you are ready to commit to one person without the subconscious thinking that a newer model and make of your supposedly dream guy will come out anytime soon. If all you think about involves what qualities of other guys that your current one doesn’t have then you maybe are not so ready for a relationship. The grass is not always greener on the other side, and when you still think so, you are still under the illusion that fairy tales such as Cinderella and the likes were all based on true stories.

4. You don’t understand (And never want to) the meaning of the word ‘Compromise’.

Relationship will always involve the word ‘compromise’. You cannot get your way all the time and you have to be ready for a little bit of compromisation. You gotta understand though, the older and the more mature someone is, the more comfortable she is with her way of doing things that ‘compromising’ becomes way harder than it should be. This is why you have to get it down pat that sometimes even Cinderella would have to compromise with her prince on some things (remember that they were based on true stories?)

So…if you are ready for it but it seems like your way of ‘dating’ is the problem, then have a look at this: Dating Men is Easy. All problems simplified

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Are You Ready for Relationship? Four Things to Show That Maybe the Problem is YOU

Since then, he’s emailed you couple times and came up to your desk — twice! But you’ve been hinting all along that there is this new cute “Ice Age 3″ movie you’ve been wanting to see and he still hasn’t invited himself to go along with you. What’s wrong with him? you’re starting to doubt that he is so into you in the first place.

So well, instead of pondering around while flicking flower petals one by one, you might as well read carefully to the following five top facts that he is actually so into you:

1. He WILL ask you out.

I know that sometimes this one goes overlooked. Many guys are shy…right? Well, if a guy is so into you, he will have to get over his shyness and actually go up to you to ask you out. Otherwise, he’ll lose you to some other dude due to his own shyness, not a good idea. It doesn’t matter how ‘busy’ he is or how little credit is left on his mobile phone, he’ll want to spend time with you on a date — or semi date in the beginning.

2. He is SINGLE.

No matter how much you think a guy is so into you, forget it if he has a girlfriend — or wife. It doesn’t matter how he tells you he’ll break up with her, so long as he hasn’t done it, he is still attached…to someone else. Waiting for a guy to break up with another girl so that you can have your turn is down right sad. You are being strung along while he is having his cake and eating it too. Move on girl, and don’t even start imagining stuff such as, “Imagine when he finally breaks up with her, do you think he will ask me out because he is so into me?”

3. He will not disappear on you.

Tony, the guy you met at Christmas party finally got around to ask you out. You had a real great time together in the winter festival and he even bought you fairy floss. See! You knew he was so into you since you locked eyes in the party before. He told you at the end of the night that he’ll see you again but a week’s gone by and you’ve heard nothing whatsoever. You even checked using the company intranet that he is still working there in your company, and of course he is. So what happened?

Well, this guy has a moderate or low interest towards you and probably not so crazy about you. He’s had second thoughts, or he has just decided on his own that he doesn’t want to pursue this further. In this case, stop wondering around what you could’ve said or done better to ’score’ another date with him, because you couldn’t have done nothing else. You’ve done your best and he is not so into you.

Leave and move on because you deserve someone who is so into you and is really crazy about you.

4. He remembers what you say.

If he is so into you, he’ll remember what you say. If you tell him you want to go see that ‘Ice Age 3′ movie, he’ll thank God for the fact that you gave him that clue on asking you out. When you tell him you hate mustard, he won’t smear mustard all over your hot dogs, you get the idea.

5. He will give you security.

Oh…that word! Yes, I say that he will give you security if he is so into you by calling you his ‘girlfriend’ and by not breaking up with you soon after he calls you his ‘girlfriend’. If a guy never wants to commit to a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship or runs away as soon as he hears those words, then he is not so into you.

When J broke up with a friend of mine (call her Sammy), she was not buying it because if he was so over her, why did he say yes to a coffee catch up and why did he still said “he misses her” even though he said no again to getting back together?

If he is so into you, he would’ve stayed with you in the first place rather than giving you the insecurity of a break up. The right person will stay, you will feel secure and you won’t need to think about his words vs his non-matching actions til the cow comes home.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

He Is SO Into You…Really? Find Out For Sure By Looking At The Facts VS What He Tells You Now