Well, I guess the whole instant mentality people have these days have impact on finding the right guy. Let me give you an example. The other night I had a call from a friend, and she told me she’s just met a guy who she thought was pretty good – you know, hitting all her criteria box (I’ll talk about that later). She then proceeded and told me about what he does for a living, who he hangs around with (thanks to Facebook), how much he probably earns (according to salary survey), and any other information about this guy that she can gather from asking their mutual friends. Then she ended the whole spill on that guy with “So…do you think I should go out with him?”

I was like.. “HUH!?” She literally met the guy once, probably didn’t even have the chance to have a proper conversation, let alone date him. So how would she know whether or not she wants to go out with this guy? How can she decide so quickly anyway? Actually, why did she even think she SHOULD decide quickly? So I told her “Slow down! You need to get to know this person first.”

So I guess this is a reminder to ladies out there, that dating or finding the right man is not like a job interview. It’s not like anyone would hand you a full report on the guy (beside facebook and even then, the guy can just make it up), it’s not like dating can be instant, which comes to the point of: You can’t decide whether or not you want to be with someone based on some criteria or information you gather about that person without actually properly getting to know that person.

In fact, forget about Facebook; forget about gathering information from mutual friends or calling many of your girlfriends to find out what they know about him. Get it all from him! The old chasing game is still there i.e. where the guy has to chase the girl whilst at the same time thinking of many ways to impress the girl. Then you should start to get to know the guy slowly by talking to him, by being mysterious and not too available, basically by doing things to be, as Bob Grant said, The Women men Adore and Never Want to Leave.

Finding the right man is supposed to take time. Not only it gives you the chance to find out more about the man beyond the criteria and into the more important thing such as his values and beliefs, but it also gives the man a chance to properly chase you. And believe it or not, men still want to chase ladies. Men still want to be the hunter and no matter how quickly you can now decide on things like jeans, clothes, cars or even an investment property, never EVER take a quick shortcut in finding the right guy. After all, it’s probably more of a waste of time in the long run.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Why You Should Take Your Time To Find The Right Guy

You start thinking of your past boyfriends and flings/lovers/whatever you call it – why aren’t they here with you? Why the heck am I still SINGLE? Err, good question. To answer your big burning question, I’ve compiled a list of possible reasons that might block you from encountering love.

1. You haven’t let go of your past. It’s been 2 years since your last relationship crumbled yet you still feel like it was only few months ago. You would compare every guy you date with this particular ex, yes… every single guy. Whilst it’s good to know what type of qualities of guy that you like, it’s not good to linger on the past. Accept the fact that you and him are not good together, forgive him, and forgive yourself. Focus on your present and future opportunities. There’s a reason why an ex is an ex – so that you can meet someone better. Every new person you meet deserves a chance.

2. You are still sleeping around or sleeping with somebody to soon. Now this is possibly a ‘habit’ of yours that is hard to let go. Like smoking, sleeping around (aka no-strings-attached sex) is addictive and sometimes you need to go cold turkey to quit. While guys can’t guess how many sex partners you’ve had in the past, they can spot straight away whether you’re a one-nighter kinda girl or girlfriend material. Don’t ask me how but they have this instinct (a male intuition perhaps) that tells if you’re Samantha or Charlotte. Perception is reality, honey. Also, by not sleeping with someone too soon gives you a chance to get to know that person way before oxytocin dictates he’s a CATCH… definitely not sexy.

3. You’ve been dating the wrong guys. You probably had dated many guys but none of them want a serious relationship with you. Well…guess what – you most likely went out with unavailable guys; be it BOYS who only want the milk and not wanting to buy the cow, emotionally unavailable men, married men, men who don’t know what they want.. You get the idea. It’s time to recognize that those guys you dated are nothing but time wasters and don’t add value in your hunt for Mr Right.

4. Or you’ve been going to the same places to meet men, then only to complain the quality of the guys are terrible. For this case we are talking about bars where men and women go to ‘pull’. Ladies – you won’t meet your future husband in places like that. 90% of men who frequent bars and clubs are only there for ONE thing. If that’s what you’re after, then fine… continue what you’ve been doing. If you want something more than casual sex, look at guys at your workplace (be careful of married men though), go to religious places, sports bars, RSL clubs (haha), anywhere else that does not involve alcohols, dimmed lights, and blaring music that you won’t be able to have conversation anyway. A girlfriend once told me – you won’t find a diamond if you keep visiting flea markets. Now I understand exactly what she meant

5. You are not emotionally ready. This requires self-development. You might be insecure, clingy, jealous, overprotective, selfish.. Remember that all of those traits exist because you are emotionally immature. Emotional maturity and wisdom does not depend on a person’s age, but rather grow throughout your experiences and the mistakes you made in life. Get a self-help book and learn how to manage your emotions. Remember, a successful relationship requires level-headed individuals.

6. You are afraid of commitment. While you can broadcast to the whole world that you want to meet someone and settle down, fact is sometimes you don’t. You are scared of your independence taken away, having to compromise for someone, adjusting your lifestlyle, or even sleeping with someone for gazillion years. Point is.. you still have doubt within yourself what happens after you meet THAT special person. Are you ready to share the world with another person? Would you relocate for that person? Would you stop flirting around with other guys? Would you sacrifice something important in your life in order to make the relationship work?

7. You haven’t loved yourself. How often are you content with your life – be it job, looks, study, etc? How often do you complain about those cellulite on your thighs, flabby arms and tummy, unsatisfying career? For people who just been through a break-up or in toxic relationships where their emotions are battered, it’s normal to lose self-esteem. In order to attract love, you need to fall in love with yourself first. Pick yourself up. You need to realize that you are worthy to receive love and be grateful of everything in your life. For more tips on how to love yourself check out my previous blog “Questions 101 – Do I Love Myself?”

8. You don’t know what you want. This relates to point 3 when you’ve been dating the wrong men. Getting to know yourself is the basic tool in dating so that you can attract a potential mate that you want. You first need to get to know yourself – acknowledge who you are as a person, grasp your personality and character, know what you like, what ticks you off and what don’t, what kind of men are you searching. Make a list of things about yourself and what qualities you like on the opposite sex and re-read it. Does it make sense? Do you offer the same qualities that you want in your potential mate? Be realistic.

9. You are traumatized. A few assclowns broke your heart and you believe that there are no good men left? Naturally, if your heart’s been abused so many times – you are less likely to trust men and put your barriers up. Or if you’ve been rejected by men then you feel that you’re not good enough for anyone. You need to realize that things happen for a reason and you still have a chance to find another love. Bring down those walls that block your emotions, be open to opportunities, and hopefully the next guy you meet is not an assclown.

10. You own your own lifestyle. If you’ve been single for too long, chances are you will be self-absorbed and used to well…being alone. You don’t know how to share the world with someone. Chances are you always make decisions based on yourself. But when you’re in a relationship – you can’t always ‘win’ and leave your potential mate with no choice. You need to learn how to compromise and be less selfish for once. Other scenario could be if you occupation requires you to spend 18 hours at work. It’s true while you love your job, you need to manage your time well so that you can have a (dating) life outside work.

11. You don’t know how to flirt, or read body language etc. It sucks to be someone who doesn’t know how to read situations. Likewise, you are similar to those women who can’t read maps and don’t know how to get to the destination. Pick up dating books (there are millions out there), get a hot girlfriend to teach you how to flirt with men, or get yourself a dating coach if you’re really3x bad.

12. You think all men ARE the same. If you are thinking like that, you are seeing the glass half empty instead of half full my dear. Not ALL men are the same – you can’t say that all men are liars or just want sex. Just because you’ve met some jerks (aka b!tch with a d*ck) in the past, doesn’t mean that the next one will be an a**hole too. There are plenty of good guys out there, you just have to change the way you think. Which leads to….

13. You don’t go out and socialize. If you spent your time hanging out with the same people over and over (work friends, girl friends, your f*#k buddies) chances are you won’t meet new people. Try broaden up your chances in meeting men by attending classes (ANY classes – cooking, dancing, yoga, pottery), attend meet-up groups (you can check online or local community boards), professional gathering, book clubs, sports clubs, click YES to Facebook invitations. Meeting up random people is FUN and who knows they might introduce you to potential mate! I’ve met people randomly during my travel, at bus stops, at Subway line (not the trains, but the sandwich joint), petrol stations, random house parties.. Plus, you don’t wanna be that socially retarded girl who just stayed home watching soap dramas. Prince charming won’t notice you if you don’t get out there and get noticed (think how Cinderella met her prince).

14. You are simply… a bitch. Riiight, the problem is you don’t have close female friends, you won’t take no for an answer, you are not friendly, judgemental, stubborn and hard to please. You make too many ridiculous rules in your life. Basically it’s my way OR the highway! What men would be attracted to women like that? Supposedly a guy could pick either Naomi Campbell or Miranda Kerr – guess who would he choose. Be a bitch (babe in control of herself) but don’t be a prick. Improve your manners and men will be flocking towards you.

15. You have unrealistic expectations from men. You pass up on guys just because he doesn’t laugh at your jokes, not a wine connoisseur, have greasy hair etc. You settle nothing less than a guy who earns at least $150K, have a house in Hampton or OC, buy you expensive gifts and take you out to swanky restaurants. Which girl would not want a guy who can afford all of those? In real life you are middle class worker who likes to dream big. Whilst it’s crucial to have standards, they need to be realistic. They need to reflect WHO you are. Your standards will vary as you grow and get to know yourself more. Allow yourself to be flexible before you drop all your standards at once because you’re desperate to find a man. Plus… are you as good as what you expect from men?

And here’s my favourite of all….

16. YOU ARE SUPERFICIAL. PERIOD. Admit it – you think you are HOT, everyone likes you, you do exceptionally well in your career. Basically whatever you do, you think highly about yourself. While there’s nothing wrong with realizing your self-value, you should not seek superficial qualities when screening men. Superficial people will always attract the same. Okay.. the guy you’re seeing may be cute, funny, tall, intelligent, loaded, hot biceps and butt, amazing in bed etc. But at the same time he’s a liar, cheater, arrogant, resentful, egocentric piece of sh*t aka a douchebag? He thinks the world revolves around him and he won’t treat you like a princess…guaranteed. Are you going to be happy with a guy like that in the long run? While he makes you quick-fix happy, he won’t fix your tyre if it’s flat. It’s time to look at men past their superficial values – find out if he is genuine, kind-hearted, wise, practive selfless acts, appreciative, and most importantly like you for who you are. Character and personality are more important than charm and charisma. Ask yourself can you have a D&M (read: deep and meaningful) conversation with this person? Do you feel safe and secure with this person? Can you rely on this person? Does he genuinely make your heart happy or do you keep making excuses for his crappy behaviour?

Now that I’ve provided you with all possible reasons why you are still single – you have a choice to take a different look at your dating style, or deny it. Hopefully I help you to shade some light and improve your dating approach. And err, sorry to have to expose you these cold hard facts. Now get you’re a$$ off that couch and Happy man-hunting!

Love always,

xxJenn

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

16 Reasons Why You Are STILL Single

However, things change once one party decided they want more other than just wild romps in the bed. Lucky for the couple, the movie ended with a happy solution. Ahh… Hollywood movies are such a cliche,

Regrettably, not all FWB situaton ends with a happy ending.. especially in this day and age. Only a few made it to exclusive relationships, the rest just go pear-shaped. I’m a firm believer that the FWB situations only work for guys. I mean.. what benefit does it bring for girls? Women are not designed to handle emotions as good as men, particularly on the bonding-effect. Experts believe that the more often a girl is sleeping with a guy who gives her pleasure, the more she will get attached to her sex partner(s).

Sometimes, girls agree to sleep with a guy with no strings attached – merely hoping that there’s an opportunity to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Guys could smell this yearning scent and would, in turn, use the girl to his advantage. Try not to let yourself feeling this way. Ashton Kutcher is the ‘typical girl’ in this movie and good on him for taking the plunge trying to seal the deal.

Portman also couldn’t deny herself when she started feeling something. Gosh, isn’t Portman so well at faking it? No.. I’m not talking about her quick on-screen orgasm, but how she dealt with her inner feelings. Although the next few weeks were filled with dramas and uncertainties, in the end they make it to a happy life.

So this leads me to the next question.. is FWB healthy for both men and women? There’s no definite answer on that one. My reponse is it’s only healthy if both parties realize that they’re not up for anything serious (ie relationship). Plus, in order for that to happen, they have to observe these golden rules:

• Be open and honest with each other. If one party sleeps with another person, they have to tell the other person what’s going on.
• Set ground rules – no jealousy, no snooping on each other’s lives, no controlling, no suddenly rocking up at their work place.
• Play it safe. Always use condoms to prevent STIs and unwanted pregnancies. It wouldn’t be a fun in the sack anymore if the girl falls pregnant (think Rachel and Ross in Friends).
• Manage your life well – know where you stand, DO keep your options open, control your emotions.
• Build your emotions wall high, real high. Do not feel used/rejected if your FWB did not reply or answer your text. They have other ‘friends’ too, just letting you know…
• Do not bring your FWB to family functions or events that people might think you’re a couple. Trust me – you don’t want to attract awkward questions to your current situation.
• Do not build expectations. This is when you start questioning: is he/she going to stick with me for (this) period of time? Are we going to be a real couple? Answer: You are only having great sex together. Period.
• Do not do this at all if you’re feeling lonely and need to past the time. You won’t be enjoying as much benefits, plus there’s a higher chance you’ll be clingy to the other person. Euwww…

Moreover – is there an expiry date on FWB situations? Again, the decision is on your own hand. At the end of the day we all want someone we can come home to, share our daily stories, cook dinner, gives us a foot massage after a tiring day. If you aren’t getting your needs fulfilled (ie the BENEFITS) – why stay in an unconfirmed relationship?

So, the next time you’re trapped into this kind of relationship ask yourself honestly: what kind of benefit do I get in this relationship? How long can I put up with it before getting myself hurt? What do I really want?

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Friends with benefits… or friends WITH benefits? (and why Natalie Portman is so good at faking it)

A term for the female of a canine species in general. It is also frequently used as a term for a malicious, spiteful, domineering, intrusive, or unpleasant person, especially a woman.

Best Friends for life.. That would be the first thing on every woman’s mind when they see Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda on the big screen. Yep the second blockbuster movie is out this month and the four girls are still giggling continuously. Sex and the City show has run for more than 10 years and we’ve seen the girls stick through thick and thin throughout the period. Men, sex, shoes, babies, and pills conversations are always the hot topics. Yet in real life, Kim Catrall (Samanta) is constantly bickering with SJP (Carrie). It’s all non-sense, it does not happen in today’s society. Which make me thinking.. does long term friendship exist in modern female world?

Women are no different than men in terms of competition. They compete about everything from partner, career, body-wise, looks, even social and sex life. Who’s got the hottest body, who snatches the sexiest man, who owns an attractive face, who has the most satisfying job, or who experienced the big ‘OMFG’ in a week.

In most cases, there are more and more bitchiness within female friendships. When we were little, women are taught to be loyal to their girlfriends (and husbands). They braid each other’s hair then pulling each other as they got older. They first keep your secrets but told everyone how many men you slept with later on. They bring you flowers when you broke up with your first boyfriend, only to realize they hook up with your ex sometime in the future.

As you grow older, you begin to sort out which ones are toxic or beneficial friends. Admit it – you’re hot, fabolous, successful, wanted by men, amazing in bed, not forgetting you have a wonderful personality. Chances are, other (insecure) ladies will be green of envy of your qualities. Those women will always try to bring you down, imitate your personality, talk behind your back, or even try to steal your man.

Screening for a good female pal who won’t be jealous of you and be your true BFF seems totally challenging. Acquiring friends is easy, but maintaining sweet girlfriendship is hard. More often than not, females don’t tell other females what they don’t like about them. They prefer to ‘discuss’ about it with another person..behind their back of course!

Women should be trained on how to communicate openly with their female pals. Like the girls on SATC, they can just blurt out almost about everything whenever they catch up for coffee or dinners. Whether it’s “I don’t like you tagging me on all my Facebook photos” or “I think your ass looks saggy” – just throw them on the table. No backstabbing, no badmouthing, no gossiping about your friend. If you have something not nice to say about your gal pal, say it to them upfront. Bitching about them is so 2008. What you want is a healthy relationship with your girlfriends.

A good girlfriend is the one who genuinely support you, cares for you, be your shoulder to cry and does not laugh at your misfortune. Likewise if your girlfriend does not appear to have those qualities, you have a choice.. keep your friends close, keep your bitches closer.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Are ‘bitches’ the new ‘girlfriends’ ?

That was the tagline of a chick flick drama titled Letters to Juliet. Starring Sophie, a (half) engaged woman who flew to Verona in Italy with her fiancé for a pre-honeymoon holiday. However their plans changed and Sophie found herself glancing through a memorial spot for women to write letters in order to find their true love.

She came across one letter written by Claire in England dated 50 years ago. Sophie wrote back to Claire, and few weeks later Claire came to Verona. She wishes to find her missing lover, Lorenzo. From there on Sophie accompanied Claire (who came with her grandson Charlie) to find 74 different Lorenzos in the area.

During the journey, Sophie found herself falling for Charlie – a skeptic in the name of love. Short story, Claire finally reunited with her long lost love. Sophie came back to New York with her fiancé and realized she didn’t love him after all. She later returned to Verona to attend Claire and Lorenzo’s wedding and started a new chapter with Charlie. Happy Ending!

Women everywhere around the globe, all ages and backgrounds, are searching for the kind of love that Sophie experienced. We all want a happy ending story like Sophie’s, but how many of us ever experienced true love? Some of us are stuck in a relationship with men who don’t appreciate us, who treat us like shits, take us for granted, lay their hand on us, or simply never pop up the question.

Sometimes we question ourselves – does true love exist? Does destiny really happen? In the movie, Sophie mentioned to Charlie: “It’s destiny that brought me to you.” Sophie is a classic example of modern women these days – she’s got a career, found her perfect partner, and hoping to walk down the aisle with the love of her life.

Realistically, things don’t always go according to what you’ve planned. When you find yourselves stuck in a rut or things are not working like you’d imagined, you need to take immediate decision for your life.

Dating, heartache, loneliness, depression, losing self esteem are just a phase that we need to go through before finding happily ever after. If you felt that you’ve dated far too many jerks and get your heart all mashed up, chances are you’ll be quite resentful and hopeless about finding true love. It’s not an easy task but we need to keep positive of what’s ahead of us. We need to believe that better things will await us. Throughout my experience, I learn that the more you get your heart broken, the more you discover yourself better. You realize what you want in a relationship and in time will attract the ones you have in mind.

Finding yourself jumping in the dating maze after series of brokenhearts is not fun, it’s rather scary. The trick is to treat dating like a game to reach the million dollar prize. You are not alone in the dating jungle so don’t feel like a loser if you haven’t found your true love yet. After all, not all women are as lucky as Sophie.

Remember.. dating is an elimination process and there’s a huge prize waiting to be claimed on the other end. Every dating failure is a journey, and every asshole you meet will eventually lead you to the right one. And always… always love yourself first before others!

xx

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Does true love exist ?

I’ve learnt few things after watching this heart-felt flick. Why? Not everyday we would watch a divorced couple trying to patch things back in humorous ways. A few questions running through my head.. First, where do boundaries lie if you have been intimate with someone previously, yet the relationship ended? Is it called cheating if you’re sleeping with your ex-lover (especially if they already have a new partner)? I realize that there’s no right or wrong answer here. What you think you did right might not be the same as somebody else’s point of view.

Sometimes we fell into circumstances that is out of our control. The sex was awesome, you were connected with that person, you’re drunk, you are single *and* horny, and voila.. before you knew it, you’re having an affair- with your ex sadly. Jane even created her own term called ex with benefits. Basically it’s like having a FWB (friends with benefits) with added past baggage.

Let’s take a look at the situation a bit deeper. One scene shows how distraught Jane (Streep) was when Jake (Baldwin) cancelled an intimate evening with her. There, she felt the uneasy emotions of being ‘the other woman’. Jake is already hitched with another woman with a step-son. Nonetheless the marriage hit rocky point therefore he seeks attention and comfort of his old mrs. Jane is the fallback girl in this case. When Jane was disappointed with Jake‘s poor behaviour, she went to look for Adam (Martin). Adam, is now Jane’s fallback guy.

Lucky for Jane, both men are desperately trying to win her over. Jane is smitten with Adam‘s attractiveness and on how he makes her feel. On the other hand, Jake knows how to push her buttons and giving her lavish attentions.

Many of us may have been in that sticky situation. Should you take an ex back (if the opportunity arises), or starting over with a potential partner? Sometimes we wonder.. if the sex was so damn good, where the hell did it all go wrong then? Are you willing to go through all the pain and hurt again with that person? After all, you’ve been with him/her for quite some time and be aware of the consequences too. Also, would you take the risk of opening your heart to an unfamiliar person? Would he/she be able to make you as happy as your ex did?

Fortunately the movie concludes with a happy ending. In my opinion, the movie teaches us to act on whatever your heart informs you without losing your rational judgement. Whatever choice you made, make sure you won’t regret it for the second time. After all, life should be easy..n’est-ce pas?

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

C’est Compliqué! (It’s Complicated) – Should you take an ex back?

I’m sure many of us have encountered one of those times when you feel like your close friends are falling for the wrong man. You can see all his flaws (great toxic flaws) from miles away and you can see how he does your girlfriend completely wrong, but your friend (the one who is actually caught up IN the relationship) cannot see a single thing. She puts up with him whilst you see her life is filled with more painful cries rather than joyful smile. She loses her charm and becomes a somewhat living zombie. She looks less attractive by the day as she often stares into space giving everyone the blank look to hint that “Hey you might as well be talking to the wall”.

Then the day that you’ve hoped for finally came, she broke up with this man. Now you’d hope that soon she can gain her life back, her magnificent beautiful life and charms she once had. But no luck, she actually becomes worse by the day and everytime you try to cheer her up she practically tells you “I can’t get over my ex, so don’t even try, talk to the wall instead”…again?

Now, what if that girl is YOU? what if you’re the one who is caught up in the relationship? What if YOU are the one who’s saying “I can’t get over my ex!” It is easy to see how crazy and mutant your friend has become when SHE is in that situation, but easier said than done, it is not so easy when YOU are in her shoes. What can you do?

Ok, well this is exactly what you should do: Put your logic ahead of your emotion. Now that is exactly what you need to do but granted, it is waaay easier said than done. But look at it this way, ask your logic everytime your emotion says something and don’t let your emotion wins!

Here they are:
Emotion: I’d like to call him, I’d like to talk to him, I miss him!
Logic: Hey if I want to get over my ex, I wouldn’t talk to him because that would make it even more painful. What good is it to talk to someone who doesn’t want me anymore.

Emotion: But I still think I can be friends with him, why can’t I be friends with him?
Logic: Because no matter what you say, you DON’T want to be FRIENDS with him, that’s why you find it so hard to let your logic win in the first place.

Emotion: I cannot live without him, should I just beg him back?
Logic: I had over 20 years (or 30 or 40) years living my life happily without him, seriously I can do this.

Emotion: I will never get over my ex.
Logic: Oh come on! time heals everything, it just feels that way at this
moment in time.

Emotion: I want to stalk him, or at least pretend that I’d just like to return his pen or shirt back to him.
Logic: Really? you want to feel the rejection one more time? Wake up GIRL!

Emotion: I don’t want to do anything, I’m in pain!
Logic: The more ‘daydreaming time’ you have during the day, the more suicidal you will feel, so get out there and do something.

And again, it is still easier said than done. In fact, it would be worth it to have a look at this book “How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours“. It’s VERY interesting.

Check it out, and yes I do recommend it especially if you like to read because reading these sort of tailored materials will take your mind off things, you don’t want to read those fantasy fairy tales do you? your logic wouldn’t tell you so…Get it here, it’s worth it.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Help! How Can I Get Over My Ex – Past Love?

Then there’s the friendship love. From time to time when you choose your friends, you choose the ones who will watch your back and be there for you. More often than not, your friends will understand and (probably) love you more than your partner does. They will be the shoulder when you drop your tears, the ones who will bring chicken soup when you’re sick, the ones who will give you a lift home after hours of drinking session, the ones who provide you thousands of relationship advice. They are the genuine people who accept you for who you are. As someone says- your girlriend/boyfriend might come and go in times, but your good friends will remain the same.

The third love that I notice is family love. As far as society dictates, most people are not raised by healthy family. Our childhood is painted with our parent’s separation or divorce. Lucky for few, a handful of us are still experiencing love from both parents. Family love is by far the most comforting love that I’ve experienced. No matter how annoying or intolerable you can be, your parents will still accept you. They’ll take you back home when you ran out of money, or provide a shelter when you have a fight with your partner. That is what’s called unconditional love. They love you without expecting anything in return. In fact, they would still love you even if you hate them one day. Sadly, every so often we take our parents’ love for granted.

Another love that I recognize is self-love. How often do we value ourselves and not judging or beating ourselves up? How often do you say to the person in front of the mirror: you are beautiful inside and outside? How often do you feel miserable because your partner puts you down, or unhappy because you felt that no one loves you?

Almost every woman suffers from low self-esteem after breaking up with a partner. You felt that you’re not good enough for your partner, especially if he left you first. Negative thoughts brainwash your cerebrum. You start questioning your head.. what did I do wrong? What is it that I don’t have that could make him stay? If only I didn’t do this, or that. The moment you start judging yourself, you also start devaluing yourself, and finally become depressed that you can’t find the reasons. Whatever the reason is, (the break up) is meant to happen.

We all have insecurities deep within us, however we should not let other people’s comments or behaviours dictate our self esteem. When something bad happens to us, we can either see the glass as half empty or half full. We should not stop believing in ourselves because we are worth it. Supermodel Heidi Klum swears she recounts at least 5 things she loves about herself each day before stepping out of the door. Relationship wise, if you want a guy to fall in love with you, you should be happy and secure in your own skin. Take extra care of yourself to make yourself more attractive, learn new life skills, banish awful thoughts in your head and be grateful of the attributes you already have.

Some people are lucky enough to encounter all these types of love at once. Even at some stage your relationship breaks down, you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. Look at the brighter side- you still have lots of love around you. Appreciate it while you can. You don’t need a guy to deem yourself as worthy.

Keep in mind that you are responsible for your own happiness. If you feel happy deep inside, people will notice and even start talking to you. When you smile, the entire town (and those hot men in the bars) will smile back at you.

Now SMILE !! =)

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Question 101: Do I love myself ?

But what happen when the infatuation starts to rub off? Suddenly you felt there’s issues, problems and expectations, etc. Suddenly you felt that the person you fell in love with is not the same as you thought they were. Your partner becomes more comfortable in their own skins – they are becoming more selfish, more jealous, more dependent, or more controlling.

Then you thought: hang on.. why is he/she doing this to me? You thought he/she was the perfect one for you. Your head screams why why why is he/she starting to behave differently? It shouldn’t be like this.. You should be having fun, enjoying each other’s company and have the most exciting time in your life.

Guess what – what you thought was love was just lust. It was just a trick created inside your brain that you are deeply attracted to that person. Lust only focuses on the other person’s physical appearances, instead of their qualities or characters. What differs between lust and love lays on how willing you are to keep your significant other happy, eventhough it means sacrificing your own happiness. It focuses on the other person’s needs and wants, not just your ownself.

So what do you do when things go wrong during honeymoon period? Ask yourself – how happy you are with that person. Think whether this person is worth to keep or not. Consider whether he/she is worth to be fighting for. If you think you can see a future between both of you, then you have to put up with their behaviours, with a little bit of compromise of course.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Fallin’ out of love.. or LUST ?

No matter how many times they are told that time will heal anything, they still want to give their brain a ‘definite date’ as so that they will have hope on when this agony really will end.

As I have touched on earlier in my other article, the only time you will want to forget someone you still really like is the time when you just broke up with someone, or worse, when that person who you thought was special just decided to leave without a trace by disappearing from the face of the earth – in the hope that you won’t notice…yeah right. These situations make it really hard for you to move on and for your brain to really believe that it’s over just because there is never a real confirmation that the whole thing is over.

Of course, I hope you realise that no matter what, there will be some pain involved. What I mean by this is that no matter how quickly you manage to get over this person there will still be some pain involved in forgetting him. It is impossible to completely go amnesia on the memories that you once had.

But let’s take it from many women from all over the world on how long it takes to actually forget that person. The first few days are the most
painful and believe it or not you will have to just cope with it. Sleep it off, eat many pints of ice creams, scream, go to the gym and join the body combat class just to be able to punch someone, do all these things or anything that you want to do just to fill up your time. You will feel the hurt during these first few days no matter what.

By the end of the first week, you should be feeling a little better, although at times you will feel that little pang of feeling that reminds you of the good times you once had with that person. The worse thing is that you no longer hate them for whatever they did, there are only good memories that you have in your mind. You no longer hurt that much, but you will be quite sad – for the loss.

Believe it or not, it’ll be two weeks after the whole break up thing, time will feel so slow, seems like the earth stops revolving around and there will be that time when you look at the calendar date saying “Oh My God it’s only been two weeks … feels like forever!” By this time, it will be easier to go through the days even though yes, you will still feel bits and pieces of the heartbroken feeling.

Finally, it will be around 60 days (two months) after the breakup, this is when you finally feel like you can move on with your life without much of the break up affecting you. This is when you start to feel like it is possible to forget someone that you still really like (if you still really like him or her at this stage).

But having said all that, there are lots of things you can do to ease the pain during the first two months, in fact I have seen one really good information on the web on How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours, VERY interesting. Check it out for yourself!

I really recommend it because reading these sort of materials will definitely take your mind off things even though you may not completely forget him like amnesia just yet. Get it here, it’s worth it.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

How Long Does it Take to Forget Someone You Still Really Like?