A term for the female of a canine species in general. It is also frequently used as a term for a malicious, spiteful, domineering, intrusive, or unpleasant person, especially a woman.

Best Friends for life.. That would be the first thing on every woman’s mind when they see Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda on the big screen. Yep the second blockbuster movie is out this month and the four girls are still giggling continuously. Sex and the City show has run for more than 10 years and we’ve seen the girls stick through thick and thin throughout the period. Men, sex, shoes, babies, and pills conversations are always the hot topics. Yet in real life, Kim Catrall (Samanta) is constantly bickering with SJP (Carrie). It’s all non-sense, it does not happen in today’s society. Which make me thinking.. does long term friendship exist in modern female world?

Women are no different than men in terms of competition. They compete about everything from partner, career, body-wise, looks, even social and sex life. Who’s got the hottest body, who snatches the sexiest man, who owns an attractive face, who has the most satisfying job, or who experienced the big ‘OMFG’ in a week.

In most cases, there are more and more bitchiness within female friendships. When we were little, women are taught to be loyal to their girlfriends (and husbands). They braid each other’s hair then pulling each other as they got older. They first keep your secrets but told everyone how many men you slept with later on. They bring you flowers when you broke up with your first boyfriend, only to realize they hook up with your ex sometime in the future.

As you grow older, you begin to sort out which ones are toxic or beneficial friends. Admit it – you’re hot, fabolous, successful, wanted by men, amazing in bed, not forgetting you have a wonderful personality. Chances are, other (insecure) ladies will be green of envy of your qualities. Those women will always try to bring you down, imitate your personality, talk behind your back, or even try to steal your man.

Screening for a good female pal who won’t be jealous of you and be your true BFF seems totally challenging. Acquiring friends is easy, but maintaining sweet girlfriendship is hard. More often than not, females don’t tell other females what they don’t like about them. They prefer to ‘discuss’ about it with another person..behind their back of course!

Women should be trained on how to communicate openly with their female pals. Like the girls on SATC, they can just blurt out almost about everything whenever they catch up for coffee or dinners. Whether it’s “I don’t like you tagging me on all my Facebook photos” or “I think your ass looks saggy” – just throw them on the table. No backstabbing, no badmouthing, no gossiping about your friend. If you have something not nice to say about your gal pal, say it to them upfront. Bitching about them is so 2008. What you want is a healthy relationship with your girlfriends.

A good girlfriend is the one who genuinely support you, cares for you, be your shoulder to cry and does not laugh at your misfortune. Likewise if your girlfriend does not appear to have those qualities, you have a choice.. keep your friends close, keep your bitches closer.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Are ‘bitches’ the new ‘girlfriends’ ?

That was the tagline of a chick flick drama titled Letters to Juliet. Starring Sophie, a (half) engaged woman who flew to Verona in Italy with her fiancé for a pre-honeymoon holiday. However their plans changed and Sophie found herself glancing through a memorial spot for women to write letters in order to find their true love.

She came across one letter written by Claire in England dated 50 years ago. Sophie wrote back to Claire, and few weeks later Claire came to Verona. She wishes to find her missing lover, Lorenzo. From there on Sophie accompanied Claire (who came with her grandson Charlie) to find 74 different Lorenzos in the area.

During the journey, Sophie found herself falling for Charlie – a skeptic in the name of love. Short story, Claire finally reunited with her long lost love. Sophie came back to New York with her fiancé and realized she didn’t love him after all. She later returned to Verona to attend Claire and Lorenzo’s wedding and started a new chapter with Charlie. Happy Ending!

Women everywhere around the globe, all ages and backgrounds, are searching for the kind of love that Sophie experienced. We all want a happy ending story like Sophie’s, but how many of us ever experienced true love? Some of us are stuck in a relationship with men who don’t appreciate us, who treat us like shits, take us for granted, lay their hand on us, or simply never pop up the question.

Sometimes we question ourselves – does true love exist? Does destiny really happen? In the movie, Sophie mentioned to Charlie: “It’s destiny that brought me to you.” Sophie is a classic example of modern women these days – she’s got a career, found her perfect partner, and hoping to walk down the aisle with the love of her life.

Realistically, things don’t always go according to what you’ve planned. When you find yourselves stuck in a rut or things are not working like you’d imagined, you need to take immediate decision for your life.

Dating, heartache, loneliness, depression, losing self esteem are just a phase that we need to go through before finding happily ever after. If you felt that you’ve dated far too many jerks and get your heart all mashed up, chances are you’ll be quite resentful and hopeless about finding true love. It’s not an easy task but we need to keep positive of what’s ahead of us. We need to believe that better things will await us. Throughout my experience, I learn that the more you get your heart broken, the more you discover yourself better. You realize what you want in a relationship and in time will attract the ones you have in mind.

Finding yourself jumping in the dating maze after series of brokenhearts is not fun, it’s rather scary. The trick is to treat dating like a game to reach the million dollar prize. You are not alone in the dating jungle so don’t feel like a loser if you haven’t found your true love yet. After all, not all women are as lucky as Sophie.

Remember.. dating is an elimination process and there’s a huge prize waiting to be claimed on the other end. Every dating failure is a journey, and every asshole you meet will eventually lead you to the right one. And always… always love yourself first before others!

xx

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Does true love exist ?

I’ve learnt few things after watching this heart-felt flick. Why? Not everyday we would watch a divorced couple trying to patch things back in humorous ways. A few questions running through my head.. First, where do boundaries lie if you have been intimate with someone previously, yet the relationship ended? Is it called cheating if you’re sleeping with your ex-lover (especially if they already have a new partner)? I realize that there’s no right or wrong answer here. What you think you did right might not be the same as somebody else’s point of view.

Sometimes we fell into circumstances that is out of our control. The sex was awesome, you were connected with that person, you’re drunk, you are single *and* horny, and voila.. before you knew it, you’re having an affair- with your ex sadly. Jane even created her own term called ex with benefits. Basically it’s like having a FWB (friends with benefits) with added past baggage.

Let’s take a look at the situation a bit deeper. One scene shows how distraught Jane (Streep) was when Jake (Baldwin) cancelled an intimate evening with her. There, she felt the uneasy emotions of being ‘the other woman’. Jake is already hitched with another woman with a step-son. Nonetheless the marriage hit rocky point therefore he seeks attention and comfort of his old mrs. Jane is the fallback girl in this case. When Jane was disappointed with Jake‘s poor behaviour, she went to look for Adam (Martin). Adam, is now Jane’s fallback guy.

Lucky for Jane, both men are desperately trying to win her over. Jane is smitten with Adam‘s attractiveness and on how he makes her feel. On the other hand, Jake knows how to push her buttons and giving her lavish attentions.

Many of us may have been in that sticky situation. Should you take an ex back (if the opportunity arises), or starting over with a potential partner? Sometimes we wonder.. if the sex was so damn good, where the hell did it all go wrong then? Are you willing to go through all the pain and hurt again with that person? After all, you’ve been with him/her for quite some time and be aware of the consequences too. Also, would you take the risk of opening your heart to an unfamiliar person? Would he/she be able to make you as happy as your ex did?

Fortunately the movie concludes with a happy ending. In my opinion, the movie teaches us to act on whatever your heart informs you without losing your rational judgement. Whatever choice you made, make sure you won’t regret it for the second time. After all, life should be easy..n’est-ce pas?

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

C’est Compliqué! (It’s Complicated) – Should you take an ex back?

I’m sure many of us have encountered one of those times when you feel like your close friends are falling for the wrong man. You can see all his flaws (great toxic flaws) from miles away and you can see how he does your girlfriend completely wrong, but your friend (the one who is actually caught up IN the relationship) cannot see a single thing. She puts up with him whilst you see her life is filled with more painful cries rather than joyful smile. She loses her charm and becomes a somewhat living zombie. She looks less attractive by the day as she often stares into space giving everyone the blank look to hint that “Hey you might as well be talking to the wall”.

Then the day that you’ve hoped for finally came, she broke up with this man. Now you’d hope that soon she can gain her life back, her magnificent beautiful life and charms she once had. But no luck, she actually becomes worse by the day and everytime you try to cheer her up she practically tells you “I can’t get over my ex, so don’t even try, talk to the wall instead”…again?

Now, what if that girl is YOU? what if you’re the one who is caught up in the relationship? What if YOU are the one who’s saying “I can’t get over my ex!” It is easy to see how crazy and mutant your friend has become when SHE is in that situation, but easier said than done, it is not so easy when YOU are in her shoes. What can you do?

Ok, well this is exactly what you should do: Put your logic ahead of your emotion. Now that is exactly what you need to do but granted, it is waaay easier said than done. But look at it this way, ask your logic everytime your emotion says something and don’t let your emotion wins!

Here they are:
Emotion: I’d like to call him, I’d like to talk to him, I miss him!
Logic: Hey if I want to get over my ex, I wouldn’t talk to him because that would make it even more painful. What good is it to talk to someone who doesn’t want me anymore.

Emotion: But I still think I can be friends with him, why can’t I be friends with him?
Logic: Because no matter what you say, you DON’T want to be FRIENDS with him, that’s why you find it so hard to let your logic win in the first place.

Emotion: I cannot live without him, should I just beg him back?
Logic: I had over 20 years (or 30 or 40) years living my life happily without him, seriously I can do this.

Emotion: I will never get over my ex.
Logic: Oh come on! time heals everything, it just feels that way at this
moment in time.

Emotion: I want to stalk him, or at least pretend that I’d just like to return his pen or shirt back to him.
Logic: Really? you want to feel the rejection one more time? Wake up GIRL!

Emotion: I don’t want to do anything, I’m in pain!
Logic: The more ‘daydreaming time’ you have during the day, the more suicidal you will feel, so get out there and do something.

And again, it is still easier said than done. In fact, it would be worth it to have a look at this book “How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours“. It’s VERY interesting.

Check it out, and yes I do recommend it especially if you like to read because reading these sort of tailored materials will take your mind off things, you don’t want to read those fantasy fairy tales do you? your logic wouldn’t tell you so…Get it here, it’s worth it.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Help! How Can I Get Over My Ex – Past Love?

Then there’s the friendship love. From time to time when you choose your friends, you choose the ones who will watch your back and be there for you. More often than not, your friends will understand and (probably) love you more than your partner does. They will be the shoulder when you drop your tears, the ones who will bring chicken soup when you’re sick, the ones who will give you a lift home after hours of drinking session, the ones who provide you thousands of relationship advice. They are the genuine people who accept you for who you are. As someone says- your girlriend/boyfriend might come and go in times, but your good friends will remain the same.

The third love that I notice is family love. As far as society dictates, most people are not raised by healthy family. Our childhood is painted with our parent’s separation or divorce. Lucky for few, a handful of us are still experiencing love from both parents. Family love is by far the most comforting love that I’ve experienced. No matter how annoying or intolerable you can be, your parents will still accept you. They’ll take you back home when you ran out of money, or provide a shelter when you have a fight with your partner. That is what’s called unconditional love. They love you without expecting anything in return. In fact, they would still love you even if you hate them one day. Sadly, every so often we take our parents’ love for granted.

Another love that I recognize is self-love. How often do we value ourselves and not judging or beating ourselves up? How often do you say to the person in front of the mirror: you are beautiful inside and outside? How often do you feel miserable because your partner puts you down, or unhappy because you felt that no one loves you?

Almost every woman suffers from low self-esteem after breaking up with a partner. You felt that you’re not good enough for your partner, especially if he left you first. Negative thoughts brainwash your cerebrum. You start questioning your head.. what did I do wrong? What is it that I don’t have that could make him stay? If only I didn’t do this, or that. The moment you start judging yourself, you also start devaluing yourself, and finally become depressed that you can’t find the reasons. Whatever the reason is, (the break up) is meant to happen.

We all have insecurities deep within us, however we should not let other people’s comments or behaviours dictate our self esteem. When something bad happens to us, we can either see the glass as half empty or half full. We should not stop believing in ourselves because we are worth it. Supermodel Heidi Klum swears she recounts at least 5 things she loves about herself each day before stepping out of the door. Relationship wise, if you want a guy to fall in love with you, you should be happy and secure in your own skin. Take extra care of yourself to make yourself more attractive, learn new life skills, banish awful thoughts in your head and be grateful of the attributes you already have.

Some people are lucky enough to encounter all these types of love at once. Even at some stage your relationship breaks down, you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. Look at the brighter side- you still have lots of love around you. Appreciate it while you can. You don’t need a guy to deem yourself as worthy.

Keep in mind that you are responsible for your own happiness. If you feel happy deep inside, people will notice and even start talking to you. When you smile, the entire town (and those hot men in the bars) will smile back at you.

Now SMILE !! =)

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Question 101: Do I love myself ?

But what happen when the infatuation starts to rub off? Suddenly you felt there’s issues, problems and expectations, etc. Suddenly you felt that the person you fell in love with is not the same as you thought they were. Your partner becomes more comfortable in their own skins – they are becoming more selfish, more jealous, more dependent, or more controlling.

Then you thought: hang on.. why is he/she doing this to me? You thought he/she was the perfect one for you. Your head screams why why why is he/she starting to behave differently? It shouldn’t be like this.. You should be having fun, enjoying each other’s company and have the most exciting time in your life.

Guess what – what you thought was love was just lust. It was just a trick created inside your brain that you are deeply attracted to that person. Lust only focuses on the other person’s physical appearances, instead of their qualities or characters. What differs between lust and love lays on how willing you are to keep your significant other happy, eventhough it means sacrificing your own happiness. It focuses on the other person’s needs and wants, not just your ownself.

So what do you do when things go wrong during honeymoon period? Ask yourself – how happy you are with that person. Think whether this person is worth to keep or not. Consider whether he/she is worth to be fighting for. If you think you can see a future between both of you, then you have to put up with their behaviours, with a little bit of compromise of course.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Fallin’ out of love.. or LUST ?

No matter how many times they are told that time will heal anything, they still want to give their brain a ‘definite date’ as so that they will have hope on when this agony really will end.

As I have touched on earlier in my other article, the only time you will want to forget someone you still really like is the time when you just broke up with someone, or worse, when that person who you thought was special just decided to leave without a trace by disappearing from the face of the earth – in the hope that you won’t notice…yeah right. These situations make it really hard for you to move on and for your brain to really believe that it’s over just because there is never a real confirmation that the whole thing is over.

Of course, I hope you realise that no matter what, there will be some pain involved. What I mean by this is that no matter how quickly you manage to get over this person there will still be some pain involved in forgetting him. It is impossible to completely go amnesia on the memories that you once had.

But let’s take it from many women from all over the world on how long it takes to actually forget that person. The first few days are the most
painful and believe it or not you will have to just cope with it. Sleep it off, eat many pints of ice creams, scream, go to the gym and join the body combat class just to be able to punch someone, do all these things or anything that you want to do just to fill up your time. You will feel the hurt during these first few days no matter what.

By the end of the first week, you should be feeling a little better, although at times you will feel that little pang of feeling that reminds you of the good times you once had with that person. The worse thing is that you no longer hate them for whatever they did, there are only good memories that you have in your mind. You no longer hurt that much, but you will be quite sad – for the loss.

Believe it or not, it’ll be two weeks after the whole break up thing, time will feel so slow, seems like the earth stops revolving around and there will be that time when you look at the calendar date saying “Oh My God it’s only been two weeks … feels like forever!” By this time, it will be easier to go through the days even though yes, you will still feel bits and pieces of the heartbroken feeling.

Finally, it will be around 60 days (two months) after the breakup, this is when you finally feel like you can move on with your life without much of the break up affecting you. This is when you start to feel like it is possible to forget someone that you still really like (if you still really like him or her at this stage).

But having said all that, there are lots of things you can do to ease the pain during the first two months, in fact I have seen one really good information on the web on How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours, VERY interesting. Check it out for yourself!

I really recommend it because reading these sort of materials will definitely take your mind off things even though you may not completely forget him like amnesia just yet. Get it here, it’s worth it.

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

How Long Does it Take to Forget Someone You Still Really Like?

Amazingly, it’s not only fishes that the princess encountered. She’d also dipped her foot into crocodile pond- and yes she did get bitten in the end and left a scar, pond full of water snakes that she got choked until she couldn’t breathe, and pond full of piranha that she wouldn’t even dare to enter.

The last pond she visited was a frog pond. She remembered thinking “hm..frogs are harmless, aren’t they?” So she kissed a couple of frogs despite their wet skin taste. All of a sudden there comes this tadpole with glossy spotty skin, enticing her: “princess, if you kiss me long enough I will turn into prince charming!”

So the princess did as what the frog told her.. desperately hoping it would soon turn into a gorgeous prince. After she had kissed the frog for few months, it filled her brain with fantasies. She hallucinated so much that she got intoxicated and lost her sense. The more she kissed the frog, the more hopes and dreams she had. Somehow along the way she felt that this frog is not good for whatever reason.

Luckily it didn’t took her too long to realize the hopes and dreams were nothing but deception and empty promises. The princess figured out that the frog she’s been kissing is a poisonous one, which will bring her to slow death and pain. She left the cute frog with her last strength and paddled into the sea.

As she swam across the ocean, few dolphins encircled her. She paddled and paddled until there’s a kind fisherman who’ll rescue her and bring her to a safe land.

Moral of the story? In the dating world, you will meet a lot of jerks, manipulative bastards and all those cruel men who are going to break your heart into pieces. You just have to put yourself out there and don’t waste your time on someone who’s unworthy of your affections. Surround yourselves with people who appreciate you. Never give up on love; a prince charming will find you one day…….

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

The Story of A Princess and A Frog

1. he’s keeping in touch with his ex on regular basis

2. he flirts around with your friend’s gf.. right under your nose

3. he doesn’t add you on facebook (this is cheeky but true)

4. he put his profile up on online dating sites (and lied to you when you confront it)

6. his main priority is him, his mates, then you or us

5. he starts spending less time with you on email/text/phone calls

6. he’s becoming more secretive – doesn’t tell you where he goes, how his day was, etc

7. his new nicknames are mr grumpy, mr impatient, mr critical, mr not-so-fantastic-in-bed

8. he doesn’t tell jokes or tease you anymore, ie there’s no more fun side of him

9. he took back his house key (that he gave it to you previously)

10. he becomes more suspicious of you

11. he doesn’t kiss you before going to bed

12. he stops buying gifts or flowers for you

13. he only calls you when he needs company

14. he told you he’s working late.. all the time

15. he no longer includes you on his social activities with his mates, workmates etc

16. in fact, he starts hanging out with the boys more

17. he doesn’t intend to take you on any future holidays he might have

18. he doesn’t plan for romantic gestures (this includes dinner/sex/weekend-aways)

19. he no longer compliments your sexy outfit/body parts/anything that makes you attractive to him in the first place

20. he reassures you over and over that he loves you, but his actions say differently

21. he’s hot and cold towards you, ie being nice and nasty whenever he wants to

22. he avoids the (serious) relationships talks

23. he blames you for whatever reason it is

24. he doesn’t do what he says he will

25. he cancels on your plans at last minute, and always comes up with the best excuses

26. he treats you like a doormat, or worse.. a maid

27. he doesn’t say the “L” word anymore – because he can’t

AND finally…….

28. he didn’t try to fight for you when you said it’s over

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

He’s Not That Into You ANYMORE?

So you have gone as far as creating a great online profile that portrays who you are physically and a little bit of your personality. You’ve exchanged emails with a guy who looks great in photos, quick witted and you feel like you’d fall in love with this guy before you met him. Is this feeling all possible? or are you infatuated by the idea of meeting someone new that you are not sure about?

Hey at least when you’ve met a guy offline, in a bar or a club somewhere you KNOW what he looks like in person and you probably get a chance to hear his voice, get a little ‘feel’ of what the he is about. But do you know what to expect on the first date – the first time you meet a guy from online dating?

Here they are:

1. Do not expect them to look like their picture

Expect the worst and prepare yourself to be surprised if the person actually look better than the pictures. In my experience (and some other people – both male and female) nearly more than half the population in online dating do not actually look like their picture – and not necessary in a good way. Maybe they do look like their picture in a certain angle, but don’t sum up some kind of imagination in your head of what they look like because trust me, you won’t know.

2. Do not expect this date to turn into relationship

It’s just a date! oh hang on, it’s not even a date yet…it’s the first meeting to test the water whether there is even chemistry there (Hence you don’t want to get into thousands of email banters with that person without actually meeting them in person first). So prepare to go for just a nice dinner or coffee and a nice chat without expecting anything more than that.

3. Expect a little bit of nervousness from both side

Yes, even good looking guys get nervous too. And no matter how confident you are, you probably would get nervous as well. So loosen up and pick a nice place such as a bar on a school night. This allows you to still hear what each other is saying (bars aren’t normally too packed on school nights – at least, where I live), and this also allows you to drink some kind of booze without feeling guilty. Booze will make you look funnier to the other person and it will make both of you relax a little bit.

Further note: Being drunk on dates is ILLEGAL, or it will be one of the fastest way to guarantee NOT to get a second date.

That’s all on what to expect on first dates – from online dating. Remember, don’t be afraid to actually go and try meet some new people.

Also, for a little bit of fun read, a bit of defense in case the lucky guy forgets or doesn’t call you after the first date, read 101 reasons why men don’t call after the first date

Post from: Dating is SO Complicated.com. Copyright © 2009 Sally Webb

Online Dating – Do You Know What to Expect on the First Date?