Friends with benefits… or friends WITH benefits? (and why Natalie Portman is so good at faking it)
Hands up those of you who’s been involved in this kind of relationship. The motion picture, which was recently released as part of Valentine’s Day theme, divulges about a male and female friendship that’s based on purely on physical connection. Yes, they are having fun for as long as they can – lots of passionate sex, instant rushes, intensity, crazy surprises.. you name it. Sex with no strings attached is hell lots of FUN.
However, things change once one party decided they want more other than just wild romps in the bed. Lucky for the couple, the movie ended with a happy solution. Ahh… Hollywood movies are such a cliche,
Regrettably, not all FWB situaton ends with a happy ending.. especially in this day and age. Only a few made it to exclusive relationships, the rest just go pear-shaped. I’m a firm believer that the FWB situations only work for guys. I mean.. what benefit does it bring for girls? Women are not designed to handle emotions as good as men, particularly on the bonding-effect. Experts believe that the more often a girl is sleeping with a guy who gives her pleasure, the more she will get attached to her sex partner(s).
Sometimes, girls agree to sleep with a guy with no strings attached – merely hoping that there’s an opportunity to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Guys could smell this yearning scent and would, in turn, use the girl to his advantage. Try not to let yourself feeling this way. Ashton Kutcher is the ‘typical girl’ in this movie and good on him for taking the plunge trying to seal the deal.
Portman also couldn’t deny herself when she started feeling something. Gosh, isn’t Portman so well at faking it? No.. I’m not talking about her quick on-screen orgasm, but how she dealt with her inner feelings. Although the next few weeks were filled with dramas and uncertainties, in the end they make it to a happy life.
So this leads me to the next question.. is FWB healthy for both men and women? There’s no definite answer on that one. My reponse is it’s only healthy if both parties realize that they’re not up for anything serious (ie relationship). Plus, in order for that to happen, they have to observe these golden rules:
- Be open and honest with each other. If one party sleeps with another person, they have to tell the other person what’s going on.
- Set ground rules – no jealousy, no snooping on each other’s lives, no controlling, no suddenly rocking up at their work place.
- Play it safe. Always use condoms to prevent STIs and unwanted pregnancies. It wouldn’t be a fun in the sack anymore if the girl falls pregnant (think Rachel and Ross in Friends).
- Manage your life well – know where you stand, DO keep your options open, control your emotions.
- Build your emotions wall high, real high. Do not feel used/rejected if your FWB did not reply or answer your text. They have other ‘friends’ too, just letting you know…
- Do not bring your FWB to family functions or events that people might think you’re a couple. Trust me – you don’t want to attract awkward questions to your current situation.
- Do not build expectations. This is when you start questioning: is he/she going to stick with me for (this) period of time? Are we going to be a real couple? Answer: You are only having great sex together. Period.
- Do not do this at all if you’re feeling lonely and need to past the time. You won’t be enjoying as much benefits, plus there’s a higher chance you’ll be clingy to the other person. Euwww…
Moreover – is there an expiry date on FWB situations? Again, the decision is on your own hand. At the end of the day we all want someone we can come home to, share our daily stories, cook dinner, gives us a foot massage after a tiring day. If you aren’t getting your needs fulfilled (ie the BENEFITS) – why stay in an unconfirmed relationship?
So, the next time you’re trapped into this kind of relationship ask yourself honestly: what kind of benefit do I get in this relationship? How long can I put up with it before getting myself hurt? What do I really want?