Dating is SO Complicated.com

I imagine that’s what the movie would be called if it’s released in France. For those of you who has not yet seen it, this hilarious romantic comedy is more than just Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, and Steve Martin engaging a full-on webcam show. It depicts on one woman’s decision to either reconcile things with her cheating ex-hubby or starting over with a new lover. Ms Streep plays Jane, a moderately-happy single divorcee, who recently had some kind of ‘interaction’ with her ex-husband after being separated for 10 years. The ex, Jake, played brilliantly by Alec Baldwin, has hit unhappy stage with his second marriage to a younger woman. There comes Adam, another sweet divorcee who fell for Jane’s sense of humour.

I’ve learnt few things after watching this heart-felt flick. Why? Not everyday we would watch a divorced couple trying to patch things back in humorous ways. A few questions running through my head.. First, where do boundaries lie if you have been intimate with someone previously, yet the relationship ended? Is it called cheating if you’re sleeping with your ex-lover (especially if they already have a new partner)? I realize that there’s no right or wrong answer here. What you think you did right might not be the same as somebody else’s point of view.

Sometimes we fell into circumstances that is out of our control. The sex was awesome, you were connected with that person, you’re drunk, you are single *and* horny, and voila.. before you knew it, you’re having an affair- with your ex sadly. Jane even created her own term called ex with benefits. Basically it’s like having a FWB (friends with benefits) with added past baggage.

Let’s take a look at the situation a bit deeper. One scene shows how distraught Jane (Streep) was when Jake (Baldwin) cancelled an intimate evening with her. There, she felt the uneasy emotions of being ‘the other woman’. Jake is already hitched with another woman with a step-son. Nonetheless the marriage hit rocky point therefore he seeks attention and comfort of his old mrs. Jane is the fallback girl in this case. When Jane was disappointed with Jake‘s poor behaviour, she went to look for Adam (Martin). Adam, is now Jane’s fallback guy.

Lucky for Jane, both men are desperately trying to win her over. Jane is smitten with Adam‘s attractiveness and on how he makes her feel. On the other hand, Jake knows how to push her buttons and giving her lavish attentions.

Many of us may have been in that sticky situation. Should you take an ex back (if the opportunity arises), or starting over with a potential partner? Sometimes we wonder.. if the sex was so damn good, where the hell did it all go wrong then? Are you willing to go through all the pain and hurt again with that person? After all, you’ve been with him/her for quite some time and be aware of the consequences too. Also, would you take the risk of opening your heart to an unfamiliar person? Would he/she be able to make you as happy as your ex did?

Fortunately the movie concludes with a happy ending. In my opinion, the movie teaches us to act on whatever your heart informs you without losing your rational judgement. Whatever choice you made, make sure you won’t regret it for the second time. After all, life should be easy..n’est-ce pas?

I remember the last time a friend of mine told me “I can never get over my ex Sally! he is the man of my dream, the man I ever want in my life!” and I don’t know how she could ever put up with this poisonous toxic man in the first place, but she did.

I’m sure many of us have encountered one of those times when you feel like your close friends are falling for the wrong man. You can see all his flaws (great toxic flaws) from miles away and you can see how he does your girlfriend completely wrong, but your friend (the one who is actually caught up IN the relationship) cannot see a single thing. She puts up with him whilst you see her life is filled with more painful cries rather than joyful smile. She loses her charm and becomes a somewhat living zombie. She looks less attractive by the day as she often stares into space giving everyone the blank look to hint that “Hey you might as well be talking to the wall”.

Then the day that you’ve hoped for finally came, she broke up with this man. Now you’d hope that soon she can gain her life back, her magnificent beautiful life and charms she once had. But no luck, she actually becomes worse by the day and everytime you try to cheer her up she practically tells you “I can’t get over my ex, so don’t even try, talk to the wall instead”…again?

Now, what if that girl is YOU? what if you’re the one who is caught up in the relationship? What if YOU are the one who’s saying “I can’t get over my ex!” It is easy to see how crazy and mutant your friend has become when SHE is in that situation, but easier said than done, it is not so easy when YOU are in her shoes. What can you do?

Ok, well this is exactly what you should do: Put your logic ahead of your emotion. Now that is exactly what you need to do but granted, it is waaay easier said than done. But look at it this way, ask your logic everytime your emotion says something and don’t let your emotion wins!

Here they are:
Emotion: I’d like to call him, I’d like to talk to him, I miss him!
Logic: Hey if I want to get over my ex, I wouldn’t talk to him because that would make it even more painful. What good is it to talk to someone who doesn’t want me anymore.

Emotion: But I still think I can be friends with him, why can’t I be friends with him?
Logic: Because no matter what you say, you DON’T want to be FRIENDS with him, that’s why you find it so hard to let your logic win in the first place.

Emotion: I cannot live without him, should I just beg him back?
Logic: I had over 20 years (or 30 or 40) years living my life happily without him, seriously I can do this.

Emotion: I will never get over my ex.
Logic: Oh come on! time heals everything, it just feels that way at this
moment in time.

Emotion: I want to stalk him, or at least pretend that I’d just like to return his pen or shirt back to him.
Logic: Really? you want to feel the rejection one more time? Wake up GIRL!

Emotion: I don’t want to do anything, I’m in pain!
Logic: The more ‘daydreaming time’ you have during the day, the more suicidal you will feel, so get out there and do something.

And again, it is still easier said than done. In fact, it would be worth it to have a look at this book “How to Forget Your Ex in just 24 Hours“. It’s VERY interesting.

Check it out, and yes I do recommend it especially if you like to read because reading these sort of tailored materials will take your mind off things, you don’t want to read those fantasy fairy tales do you? your logic wouldn’t tell you so…Get it here, it’s worth it.