Dating is SO Complicated.com

What’s the first thing on your mind when you hear this four letter word? L.O.V.E – ahh this simple word that makes ur cringe / happy / resentful / laugh / calm / disbelieve. Whatever reaction you display, we’ve all experienced it. The first thing I think about love is romantic love. That is the love you crave for from someone special- the one that leaves us feeling infatuated, appreciated, and most importantly being wanted. For some women, there’s no love that gives them happiness more than receiving flowers and kisses from their partner, making breakfast in bed, strolling hand-in-hand on the streets, spelling names on the sands etc.

Then there’s the friendship love. From time to time when you choose your friends, you choose the ones who will watch your back and be there for you. More often than not, your friends will understand and (probably) love you more than your partner does. They will be the shoulder when you drop your tears, the ones who will bring chicken soup when you’re sick, the ones who will give you a lift home after hours of drinking session, the ones who provide you thousands of relationship advice. They are the genuine people who accept you for who you are. As someone says- your girlriend/boyfriend might come and go in times, but your good friends will remain the same.

The third love that I notice is family love. As far as society dictates, most people are not raised by healthy family. Our childhood is painted with our parent’s separation or divorce. Lucky for few, a handful of us are still experiencing love from both parents. Family love is by far the most comforting love that I’ve experienced. No matter how annoying or intolerable you can be, your parents will still accept you. They’ll take you back home when you ran out of money, or provide a shelter when you have a fight with your partner. That is what’s called unconditional love. They love you without expecting anything in return. In fact, they would still love you even if you hate them one day. Sadly, every so often we take our parents’ love for granted.

Another love that I recognize is self-love. How often do we value ourselves and not judging or beating ourselves up? How often do you say to the person in front of the mirror: you are beautiful inside and outside? How often do you feel miserable because your partner puts you down, or unhappy because you felt that no one loves you?

Almost every woman suffers from low self-esteem after breaking up with a partner. You felt that you’re not good enough for your partner, especially if he left you first. Negative thoughts brainwash your cerebrum. You start questioning your head.. what did I do wrong? What is it that I don’t have that could make him stay? If only I didn’t do this, or that. The moment you start judging yourself, you also start devaluing yourself, and finally become depressed that you can’t find the reasons. Whatever the reason is, (the break up) is meant to happen.

We all have insecurities deep within us, however we should not let other people’s comments or behaviours dictate our self esteem. When something bad happens to us, we can either see the glass as half empty or half full. We should not stop believing in ourselves because we are worth it. Supermodel Heidi Klum swears she recounts at least 5 things she loves about herself each day before stepping out of the door. Relationship wise, if you want a guy to fall in love with you, you should be happy and secure in your own skin. Take extra care of yourself to make yourself more attractive, learn new life skills, banish awful thoughts in your head and be grateful of the attributes you already have.

Some people are lucky enough to encounter all these types of love at once. Even at some stage your relationship breaks down, you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. Look at the brighter side- you still have lots of love around you. Appreciate it while you can. You don’t need a guy to deem yourself as worthy.

Keep in mind that you are responsible for your own happiness. If you feel happy deep inside, people will notice and even start talking to you. When you smile, the entire town (and those hot men in the bars) will smile back at you.

Now SMILE !! =)

When people are entering into new relationships – their world seems 10x happier. There’s the in-love feeling, commitment seeking, and lust.. There comes infatuation. You felt that you’ve never met anyone who clicked with you so much and you can even think that you can spend the rest of your life with them. You laugh together, you do everything together, you’re being sweet to each other, and other romantic stuffs. It’s called the honeymoon period.

But what happen when the infatuation starts to rub off? Suddenly you felt there’s issues, problems and expectations, etc. Suddenly you felt that the person you fell in love with is not the same as you thought they were. Your partner becomes more comfortable in their own skins – they are becoming more selfish, more jealous, more dependent, or more controlling.

Then you thought: hang on.. why is he/she doing this to me? You thought he/she was the perfect one for you. Your head screams why why why is he/she starting to behave differently? It shouldn’t be like this.. You should be having fun, enjoying each other’s company and have the most exciting time in your life.

Guess what – what you thought was love was just lust. It was just a trick created inside your brain that you are deeply attracted to that person. Lust only focuses on the other person’s physical appearances, instead of their qualities or characters. What differs between lust and love lays on how willing you are to keep your significant other happy, eventhough it means sacrificing your own happiness. It focuses on the other person’s needs and wants, not just your ownself.

So what do you do when things go wrong during honeymoon period? Ask yourself – how happy you are with that person. Think whether this person is worth to keep or not. Consider whether he/she is worth to be fighting for. If you think you can see a future between both of you, then you have to put up with their behaviours, with a little bit of compromise of course.