Is he the one for me? or am I settling for another next-one-that-comes-along?

Even though the question “Is he the one” is very rarely asked nowadays since women focus too much on trying hard to make the man think that she IS the one for him, it is a very important question. Because if he is NOT, then no matter how much ‘in love’ he is with you, you will not be happy being with him in the long run. Read: 10 Signs he is just mr right now.

Think about it, every man out there focuses on whether or not SHE is the one he wants to marry, spend eternity with (Whoa that’s a big word), but why do women settle for second best – someone who she’s not even into – just so that she has the ‘married/attached’ status? Sad isn’t it? This is exactly why half of all marriages end in divorce as women tend to label their partners ‘the one’ or ‘soulmate’ before him proving her anything.

So if you yearn for that perfect relationship with the perfect boyfriend or husband, make it clear to yourself that you will have to fall for the man rather than the relationship. So let me repeat, you are NOT loving the relationship, or ‘be in a relationship’ feeling, you want to know if you love the man you are in a relationship with. Clear as mud? So even if the man is hanging around, keep asking to yourself: is he the one for me?

Ok, now that you are with me, we need to find out how can you answer that question yourself. Because no one can answer that but you. I can only help you answer that using these few guidelines. So lets start.

First of all, you should strip out all his shallow qualities. There is no point trying to find out ‘is he the one’ when your mind is still clouded with the fact that he drives a yellow ferrari or owns that mansion house. Some women tend to be so drawn towards the ‘security’ he can provide that it is dangerously hard to answer that question alone. So strip out the cute, hot body, sexy, money, job and social status… what are you left with?

Strip it out…I said strip it out. I know it’s hard to do that because you sincerely think he was kinda born with those materials, and those materials can help make you happy in the long run (just kidding).

Pay attention to this, the very important question ‘is he the one’ is basically asking: does his values, lifestyle, goals in life fit in well with your own? Do you see both of you can grow together – through thick and thin, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. Do you both support each other in terms of what your goals are and how you grab opportunities separately as well as together? (That’s why you shouldn’t really ask this question if you’ve only been dating for a month, it doesn’t make sense does it?)

Another very important question is “Do you respect each other?” Yes he may be nice to you but if you treat him more like a cab driver or a servant rather than a boyfriend – or if he treats you more like a trophy item to show off to his friends rather than a valuable girlfriend, then clearly we are YET to be sure if you guys are good for each other. It’s quite amazing to know that women forget this and settle with a man who sometimes doesn’t even respect her. Even if you are a very traditional girl who believes firmly in your grandmother’s teaching, please ensure that you make a point to remember that a great relationship is based on mutual respect and understanding, not based on the man makes EVERY decision without your input – you might as well be a mannequin.

Also, is there an equal amount of giving and receiving from each other? In a real great relationship, you need to both have a genuine desire to give to each other (Not receiving), and are you happy to do that? Are you happy to give to him unconditionally without expecting anything back? And are you receiving anything back anyway? Think about that to answer the question ‘is he the one for me’.

So take away all those materialistic items and shallow qualities, understand that the initial ‘honeymoon period’ is now over and it’s time to find out if he is really a good fit for you in the long run. Find out how he handles you during your bad hair day as well as your super scary pms, and I wish you all the best in finding the one for you out there. (You never know, he could well be the one you’re with, but answer those questions first.)

And if you have found yourself a man, don’t be lazy and think that you can stop working on the relationship. Remember, working on a relationship is greatly a woman’s job. (Sorry girls, it’s because men just don’t do it, simple answer.) So I would suggest you keep on top of things, and if you haven’t done so, get a copy of this guide The Woman men adore… and never want to leave – is he the one? Well then KEEP him. I genuinely think it’s a great guide that every woman should have. Get it here.

And if you have doubts and think maybe he’s not the one for you, read the article: Should I dump him? Learn the 5 signs you should dump your boyfriend

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