What Do You Learn From A Break Up?
Hands up whose new year’s resolution is to break up. Wait a minute… a break up?? You’re crazy right? Most people responded they want to lose weight, quit smoking, or get a new job when get asked that question. Why a break up? Well for someone who’s been in emotional rollercoaster in the past couple of weeks – you know why I did it. I was unhappy, I was feeling insecure, I was losing myself, my confidence literally went down the drain, and the rest is history. Not only that, I’ve been resorting my feelings to relationship blogs online. Then finally on one fine night, I brought up the most direct question to my partner who’s at least a thousand kilometers away from me: Are you happy?
Through his answer I concluded that we should end our relationship given such and such reasons. To my surprise, he agreed that we should no longer be together going forward. Long story short, the break up was amicable (ohh…I didn’t tell you the 2 days worth of phone calls me screaming and begging for him to work things out). It’s been 2 weeks since it all happened and I want to share why my decision is RIGHT at the first place. Here are the things that I learn now that I’m no longer wearing rose-tinted glasses:
1. Realise that you are not alone. I am a culprit for drowning my break-up tale to my closest girlfriends. To my surprise, they can relate to my experience and gave me comfort. This situation also highlights who are your most trusted and caring friends. I am lucky I have more than 10!
2. A break up is called a breakthrough. Yes you will get through this. You will be fine – I guarantee you! The first 7 days will be the most horrible depending on the length of your relationship. You will feel like being in the bubble. But one day you’ll sick of being sorry to yourself and snap off. That’s when the breakthrough kicks in.
3. No matter what happened, take care of yourself. Eat healthily, exercise, get enough sleep, or as my girlfriend quoted: treat your body like a temple, not a trashcan. I lost 3 kgs in a week. Considering I am only 49 kgs in a 5”3’ body, 3 kgs is A LOT. People actually commented how daunty my face looks and how bony my legs are. I look more like an Ethiopian teenager than an aneroxic person.
4. You can see his BAD qualities and realise why the relationship is not working out. Once you step out from the emotional attachment with your guy, you will understand that he’s not the right one for you. Because if he is, you’d still be together with him and things will work itself out. Not just you who’s putting effort in the relationship. It takes two to tango.
5. You’re free to do whatever you want that your man didn’t like when you were together. Stuff him! Yep, you can flirt with as many men as you like or wear that sexy dress without feeling like a slut. Be bold and beautiful as you were before. But don’t overdo it and destroy yourself because at the moment you need to gain back your confidence and self-esteem (read: self-love).
6. You learn more about yourself – your character, personality, value and you get a chance to improve to a better version of yourself. This time it’s all about you, you, and YOU. Take his criticisms as a tool to build a better character. Learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them in the future. Evaluate your values and goals in life. Rediscover yourself and reinvent the new HOTTER you. Okay, I sound like a Kellogs Special-K ad now.
7. Words like: it’s not meant to be, if you love someone you should let them go if they come back to you then you know it’s yours, things happen for a reason are actually TRUE. I never quite understood what they mean until recently. My eyes and heart are opened.
8. What doesn’t kill you make you stronger. Enough said. Once hurt, you will be immuned and become a stronger person. I can only say this because I’ve experienced it. Also if you think your situation is bad, look at other people’s situation in the world. People lost their houses from bushfire or flood, people lost their loved ones from disease or crime, or for more extreme cases watch Life of Pi and Sanctum. Those two stories will hopefully inspire you.
9. God or The Universe is trying to teach us something. People come to your life serves as a purpose. Once the purpose is served, they may either leave or stay in your life. Get in touch with your spiritual belief. It really helped me going through difficult moments like this and seeing the bigger picture.
10. Give yourself some solitude time. It’s important to be alone and assess what happened with your relationship. Were you happy? Were you satisfied and fulfilled? What was missing from the relationship? Friends and family can give you input on what went wrong but only you who can grasp all what happened because you’re the one in it. Realise that you deserve more than crumbs.
11. A chance to reinvent yourself. Now that you don’t have to compromise for the other person, you can focus all your energy to yourself. Make yourself 110% happy and do challenging activities that you don’t normally do. Get a sassy haircut, learn a new language, take pole dancing classes, enrol in difficult tasks such as macaroon course or absailing. Whatever you do, do something that makes you feel alive again and feel the passion inside you. Think of a cancer patient who’s only given 6 months to live…what would you do?
12. Forgive and move on. Forgive him for all the wrongdoings he’s done to you, forgive yourself for all the mistakes you made, and let go. Let go of the fantasies, expectations, obsessions. Let go all the hurt, anger, pain, misery that you were holding on. If you can’t let these things go, you will not be able to move on. Make peace with your past then your heart will be in peace.
13. Do not carry the hurt to the next relationship. Do not punish the next guy who comes to you because it reminded you of your ex. As I said earlier, you need to let go of the hurt to make space for the new love to nest in your heart.
14. Focus on the bigger picture. Don’t just think that the world will end because you lose the love of your life. There are other things in your life – your career, family, friends, travel plans, etc. If you feel that your life is at rock bottom, then the only way is up. Be positive, you will soon see the light at the end of the tunnel.
There… I’ve listed them all. Hopefully this article will help you going through one of the most difficult moments in your life – being heartbroken. Ohh another good thing, if I didn’t experience the break up, I wouldn’t be able to write this article. Remember break-ups are not easy but you CAN do it in an easy way if you want to. The choice is up to you.